


The Rainbow and Beyond

by GlitterSkullFairy



Series: Fear and Courage [2]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Alien Sex, Commitment, F/M, Fluff, Found Family, Hugh Culber is a good Mother, Inter-Species Romance, Made-up alien anatomy, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Oral Sex, Other, Porn with Feelings, Saru's moss bed, Smut, Vaginal Sex, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:29:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29085405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterSkullFairy/pseuds/GlitterSkullFairy
Summary: Saru and Tilly want to move their relationship to the next level, but because of certain biological imperatives, that's a big leap involving a life-long commitment and an ongoing period of sexual frenzy.Fortunately, they have a friendly doctor to advise and mother them, and several ship-mates to support them, and, most importantly, each other.This is the Saru/Tilly romantic smut-fest you did not know you needed until now.
Relationships: Hugh Culber & Saru, Hugh Culber & Sylvia Tilly, Hugh Culber/Paul Stamets, Saru/Sylvia Tilly
Series: Fear and Courage [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2101461
Comments: 52
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Pleasant Dreams and Heinous Crimes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23973610) by [Vulvadon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vulvadon/pseuds/Vulvadon). 



> This is a bit canon divergent for two reasons:  
> One, I started writing this series before the season 3 finale, so Saru’s still captain.  
> Two, I’m having far too much fun playing around with alien biology. Although there are suggestions in the show that Kelpiens no longer go through vahar’ai, I’m intrigued too much by that kind of dynamic change to leave it alone, so I’m pretending that it’s something that continues in the future and so they can find out all the fun things Saru has to go through. I could have left that part out and just written some straightforward alien sex, but I’m not very good at keeping sex straightforward.
> 
> If you’re here for actual smut, it starts in chapter 3, but the first two chapters are definitely setting the mood. I like a bit of romance in my smut, so consider it my written version of foreplay.
> 
> Also, as I went down a Trek research rabbit hole, I discovered that there is actually a Starfleet rule that says you have to get permission from your senior officer and clearance from the medical officer before you engage in an intimate relationship with someone from a different species. My autistic brain latched onto that in a big way, theorised about what such a meeting would entail, and what that would mean for a person who was the only one of their species in Starfleet. I liked where I ended up with that and it felt special, but then I think many impure thoughts about a swirly alien noodle guy, so my idea about what’s sexy might be a bit unusual.
> 
> This is part of series, the previous work is my version of how they got together. It sets the scene, but it's not compulsory to read it.

Tilly was doing her best to take things slow. She didn't want to put pressure on Saru, but every night, when he walked her back to her quarters and stopped by the door to kiss her farewell, it was becoming increasingly difficult to let go. Her body was crying out for more, and her heart ached to be close to him, but her brain reminded her that it was a huge commitment for him and she couldn't force it too soon.

Not that she had any doubts about commitment herself. She had never loved anyone like this, and couldn't imagine anything else. Maybe it was the intensity of all the experiences that they’d been through together, maybe she was being naive, but she just knew they were right together. He knew her, understood her, made her a better person. But he was also a Kelpien, after vahar'ai, and that meant he was biologically determined to mate for life.

In other words, having sex was like getting married without the possibility of divorce. 

Which is fine, if you're both the same species, and you both imprint on each other, but she was human and he would be taking a risk. She wondered if she should just propose to let him know how serious she was, but that seemed pushy, considering how little time they'd had together.

So she waited, and she took cold showers, and she debated talking to Michael about it, but that would put her in an awkward position, being his first officer and all, and would probably be embarrassing for him too, so she kept her mouth shut.

She continually found her mind wandering though. She was working with Adira and Stamets researching the crystals they'd harvested and exploring how their unique properties could be put to use. But she was starting to make mistakes. And Paul was starting to notice.

When she reached the point of growling in frustration at another basic miscalculation, the noise made all the readings go haywire. She quickly clamped her hand over her mouth, and luckily nothing actually cracked, but Adira and Paul were staring at her.

"Sorry," she mouthed.

Paul shut the experiment down. "Adira, would you please get us some coffee?"

They rolled their eyes dramatically. "What, you want to send the kid out so you can talk about grown-up stuff? No way. Tilly's my friend too."

He sighed, but relented. "What's going on with you lately? You're all over the place."

"I'm sorry. I'm letting personal stuff distract me. I'll try and do better."

"I can only assume you've been trying for a while. It doesn't seem to be helping. Do you want to talk about it?"

"With you?" she stammered. "Sorry, that came out wrong. It's not you, per se, it's just that it's hard to talk to people about boyfriend stuff when my boyfriend is also the captain."

"As much as it pains me to delve into that particular vat of feelings and drama and _not_ be able to gossip about it afterwards, I need you back on form. Besides, I'm getting better at the listening thing now, ask Adira."

"It's true," Adira agreed. "He's helped me with a whole bunch of stuff."

She smiled. "You're having a good influence on him. It's just… you know. Personal."

"Oh, so it's a sex thing," they said with a smile.

Paul winced. "Are you sure you want to do this?" 

"Come on. I may look young, but I have five lifetimes of experience courtesy of my symbiont. I probably know more about sex than the two of you put together."

Tilly lowered her head and cleared her throat. "Well, sort of. But only in the sense that we haven't, um…"

Paul raised his eyebrows. "What, you haven't done it yet?"

"Nope."

"Jeez, no wonder you're distracted. It's been, what, two months?"

"Almost."

"But you're doing _something,_ right?" Adira asked. "Even if it's not full on…" they waved a hand. 

"There's kissing. And holding hands. It's all very PG."

"Huh. Well, you know, not everybody is interested in that kind of thing. Have you talked about it?"

"Briefly. I don't want to push him into anything before he's ready. There are… other factors to consider. I can't go into all the details, but it's more significant for him, and I don't want to put him under pressure. I mean, it means a lot to me too, just in a different way."

"Sure. And it's good that you're respecting that. But if it's causing this much of a distraction, then it might be time to have another conversation."

Tilly sighed. "I think you're right. It's just… it's a lot, you know? And now I've been imagining it for so long, what if it's all a big disappointment? What if I mess it all up?"

"Hey, you love each other, right?"

"Yes. We really do."

"Then all that other stuff, it just follows on from that. You still have to put in some effort, especially with biological differences, but love is love, and it finds a way."

Tilly looked at them curiously. "You know about inter-species stuff?"

"I'm a human host to a Trill symbiont that I inherited from my Trill boyfriend who's still hanging in here somewhere. My very existence is an inter-species thing. But Grey and I were able to connect romantically in spite of our differences."

"You've got something special, Tilly," Paul said. "I've seen the way you look at each other. I can't promise you it will be just as you imagine it, but I can promise you that it will be good, because being with someone you love is always good." He tilted his head, looking thoughtful. "Can I tell you something personal?"

"Sure. What the hell."

"When you brought Hugh back, things were weird for a while. I just wanted to pick up from where we left off, but he was struggling. And after all that time, when we did finally… get back to where we were, there were… complications."

"What kind of complications?"

He frowned. "I forgot he was in a completely new body, and took things a bit faster than I should have, which didn't end well. But he was very understanding, and forgave me, and we were able to laugh about it afterwards."

"Okay, that’s probably more information than I needed, but I get it. Love conquers all. I'll talk to Saru."

"Good. Now will someone please get me some coffee?"

***

That evening, while they ate dinner together in his ready room, she decided it was time to start the conversation.

"Saru, can I ask you something?"

"Of course. Something in particular?"

"Well, I know we said we would take things slow, because of the implications for you, but I was just wondering if we should, you know, revisit that, and maybe consider whether we needed to keep going slow, or maybe start moving forward? Not that I want to press you, or anything, because I want you to feel secure, and ready, and all that, but maybe just to check in and see if you were feeling any closer to ready, or if ready is still a long way off…" she trailed off as she realised he was chuckling behind his napkin. "I'm doing it again, aren't I?"

"I have been waiting because I thought _you_ were not yet ready. I understand that I'm asking for a significant commitment on your part, and I did not wish to force the issue."

"Oh, I'm ready. Very ready. I just thought that you would want to be sure before we um, committed to it."

"I'm quite sure," he said. "Are you sure?"

"I'm certain of it. Of you." She reached across the table and took his hand. 

"Very well. I'll book an appointment for us with Doctor Culber tomorrow. We still shouldn't rush in without a full consultation. I do want our first time to go as smoothly as possible."

"Yeah. Is it bad that I'm freaking out about the doctor part?"

"You've never had to do one before?"

She shook her head, making curls bounce everywhere. "You're my only non-human."

"They've become somewhat part of the routine, for me. Is there anything you'd like to know about it?"

"Yes, but… Can we go somewhere else? It feels weird planning sex in your office."

He chuckled again. "Apologies. Perhaps you'd like to come to my quarters?"

She grinned. "I would love to see your quarters."

He nodded. "I'm sorry I haven't invited you before. I thought it might be too much of a temptation for me."

"For you? Wow. You find me tempting?"

"Indeed. There are times when my self-restraint is tested almost to the limit. It's hard enough leaving you at your door to say goodnight."

"Then maybe I should bring some PJs?" She half meant it as a joke, but he got up from his chair and came to kneel in front of her, quickly pulling her in for a long and deep kiss. They broke apart breathless. "I take it you like that idea?"

He nodded, still cradling her face. "Yes, Say-navu. I'll get us booked in while you get your things and meet you there."

***

After a quick call to the doctor, Saru used his personal transporter to get straight to his quarters, giving him time to change out of his uniform. He didn't have actual pyjamas, so he settled on a grey tunic and trousers similar to his traditional dress. Realising that Tilly might want a blanket too, he teleported to grab one from the supply, and just as he put it, folded, on the edge of the bed, the door chimed. He took a deep breath and called for her to come in.

"Wow," she gasped, looking around. "When you said you had plants I pictured, you know, pots or something. Not an actual garden." She wandered slowly in and held up a hand. "Can I…?" 

"Touch? Yes, but gently. Nothing's harmful."

She tenderly stroked the leaves, almost as though she was stroking him, and bent forward to smell the blooms. "This is… just, so amazing. You're amazing." She spun back to look at him, her hair spinning outwards, and his heart soared. Seeing her here, in his private refuge, felt so right, so intimate. Her eyes moved up and down, taking in his appearance. "Don't often get to see you out of uniform."

He ran his hands over his abdomen and down his hips. "I wasn't sure, to be honest. But I wanted you to feel relaxed here. Keep work out of it."

"No, I like it. It's a good look for you. Very… alien. In a non-offensive, my boyfriend's an alien and I like it kind of way. Oh god. Should I change? I brought a bag. Um." She hefted the backpack on her shoulder.

"If it would make you more comfortable. The facilities are through there." He indicated the far end of the room, where she found the door to a small room.

"Be right back."

She shut the door behind her. He tried not to think about her taking off the uniform or the skin underneath. He picked up a watering can to keep himself busy. When she returned, she was wearing a loose DISCO tee shirt and yoga pants, her body a more relaxed shape in the softer fabric. She wiggled bare toes in the mossy carpet and held her arms in front of herself, self-consciously. They were smooth and pale and… alien.

"Is this okay?"

"Your hair…" She had taken it out of the band, and it was everywhere, sections tumbling around her face and over her shoulders. And it was even longer than he thought.

"Oh, sorry, is it weird?"

"In a non-offensive, my girlfriend's an alien and I like it kind of way," he echoed, a softness in his voice she was coming to associate with humour.

"Very funny."

"But perhaps it might be prudent to put it away for tonight. It's remarkable, but rather distracting." 

"Distracting?"

"I have a strong urge to touch it."

"You can touch it."

"And smell it. And… other things. Um. Would you mind?"

"You think it's sexy?"

He nodded quickly.

"Okay. Sorry. Let me…" A strangled noise escaped his throat as she began to grab it and tame it with her fingers. She froze, went back into the bathroom and returned a few moments later with it all in a neat bun. "Better?"

"Much. Thank you. I'm afraid the garden doesn't leave much room for furniture."

"Well, if I'm staying over anyway, I guess we should get used to the idea of the bed." He took her hand and led her towards it. "Wow. Even your bed is a garden."

"If you'd prefer a more human bed in the future, I could probably have something arranged."

"No, actually this looks nice. But I'll let you know in the morning, if I get any sleep."

They sat down, keeping their feet on the steps. The moss was just as soft as a mattress.

"So," he began, still holding her hand, toying with her soft fingers. "You have questions about the appointment."

"You've done them before?"

"Yes. A number of times. Not having any of my own species available, I had to get permission every time I wanted to engage in intimate relations. It's mostly a safety protocol, but once I had a doctor that I trusted, it became a good way to screen prospective partners. Not that I am screening you, of course. But before my vahar'ai, sex was just as frightening as anything else, and rituals like that helped reduce the risk and made me feel safe enough to engage in it."

"So this is an important thing for you?"

"Well, aside from the fact that it's a requirement, yes. It's evolved into an integral part of my courtship process."

"Okay, so kind of like a date?"

He tilted his head thoughtfully. "I've never put it in those terms, but yes, very much like a date."

She nodded. "That helps, actually. It's still new to me, but I can deal with the idea as part of our courtship. How much, um, detail do they usually go into?"

Saru sighed. "It depends on the doctor. I prefer a more in depth level of detail myself. Communication is very important at this stage, especially when you come from different planets with different expectations. This being my first time since vahar'ai, things will be different for me as well, so I would like to discuss the implications of that too. That will include both physical and psychological differences, I imagine. It will be rather… intimate."

She nodded quietly again. 

"I want you to be comfortable with this, my love. Tell me what's on your mind."

"No, it's just that sex has always been more of a private thing for me. Having to discuss it all, in detail, with a doctor, just sounds so cold and impersonal."

"If you would prefer a less formal arrangement, I'm sure that could be arranged. It doesn't have to be in the infirmary. We can request the use of names instead of ranks, so that it feels more like a friendly conversation. I could even make tea. Whatever will help you feel relaxed."

She smiled. "Thank you for being so understanding."

"You should also be prepared for the fact that I shall be talking much more frankly in this discussion. I hope that won't disturb you, but I find it helps to bring about more satisfactory results in what follows."

"So once we're in our meeting you'll stop using euphemisms like 'what follows' and actually use words like sex?"

"Precisely."

"And, presumably, you'd like me to be just as frank?"

"I'd like you to be as honest as you can be. But I encourage you to ask questions, and explain your preferences, especially as this is your first experience outside of your species. I want to be able to please you."

"And you need Hugh to be able to have that discussion?"

"It's not a reflection on you, I assure you. It's very much a reflection on me. I do trust you, and I know that in the long run I will have to learn to communicate better in a personal setting, but for our first time… I need this."

"Are you nervous? Not about the meeting, I mean. About the sex."

"Not exactly. I want to be with you, very much. It's just that everything is so different now. I've never felt this way before. I've never been able to feel anything this strongly except fear. But I love you so very much, and I want to get it right."

"Me too. All of that. And I don't want to be a disappointment."

"You would never be, Say-navu." He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his chest.

"So how long after the meeting do we have to wait?"

"That depends on how the meeting goes. But I'll make arrangements for us both to have the next few days off, just in case."

"Few days?"

"Once I have you in my arms, my dear, I have no intention of letting go for some time."

She smiled. "So I get to spend three days naked in your bed?"

Saru inhaled the scent of her hair, letting himself ride a wave of desire before exhaling slowly to settle it again. "Yes. At least."

"Hmm," she sighed contentedly. "I guess it will be kind of like our honeymoon, won't it?"

He pulled back and lifted her chin to look at him. "Is that a proposal, Lieutenant Tilly?"

"Aren't we already past that point? As I understand it, for Kelpiens in your situation the sex is the wedding."

"Yes, but at the risk of stating the obvious, you are not Kelpien."

"That doesn't mean I don't mean it. Do you honestly think I'd ask you to make a commitment like that without promising you the same in return?"

"I did not want to presume."

"Okay, I'm starting to see the benefit of our discussion tomorrow. I'm sorry, I should have said something sooner. I love you, Saru, and I want to be with you always. Look," she straddled his lap and took his face in both hands. "I, Lieutenant Sylvia Tilly, take you, Captain Saru, to be my freaky alien husband. To have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

"Those are human wedding vows."

"One variety of them, yeah. Or something like that. The point is, I'm serious. We can fill out all the forms and make it official whenever you like. But I'm in on this, all the way."

He tightened his arms around her and kissed her soundly, trying to convey the depth of feelings he was experiencing. Her fingers moved over the back of his head and his neck, following the lines and whorls in a most seductive fashion. The softness of her body against his sent a surge of arousal through him and he let himself feel it, pulling her in even closer. His hands wandered over her back and she moved in response, rocking and curling. He kept kissing her, indulging in the moment, knowing he should stop but not yet, just a little longer. It was incredible. 

She pulled back a little, keeping the contact but making just enough room to speak. "Saru?"

He chased her lips once more, a hungry growl in the back of his throat.

She gasped and pushed her hips against him. "Woah. Saru, hold on."

His grip on her loosened, and he paused for breath. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"It's all good. Very, very good. But we need to stop while we still can."

"Right. Yes."

"After tomorrow, we can have as much of this as you want. But we need to do the thing first, right?"

"Yes." He very deliberately let go and placed his hands on the bed. She took a moment to breathe and then sat down beside him. 

"Well, that was a thing."

"Was that too much?"

"It was… borderline. I liked it, obviously, but maybe we should think about some ground rules if we want to make it through the night. And I think the first one should be for me not to climb into your lap like that."

"Agreed. And perhaps I ought not to hold you quite so tightly?"

"I don't mind cuddling, but when I'm pressed up against you like that…" she finished the sentence with a whimper.

"It's only one night. We can manage to keep our hands off each other for one night, surely?" She looked up at him, and he looked at her, and within moments they were leaning in to kiss again. Saru kept his fingers in the moss. Tilly laid a gentle hand on his upper arm. Even so, they broke apart yearning for more. 

"Perhaps I should just head back to mine."

"Nonsense. We are Starfleet officers. We can manage to behave with an appropriate sense of decorum."

She grinned and laughed. "You're such a dork."

"Am I?"

"Yeah."

"Isn't that usually a bad thing?"

"Not to a geek like me. It's kind of adorable, actually."

Their eyes locked together and they leaned in until their foreheads touched. "We're fighting a losing battle, aren't we?" he said.

"Oh yeah. This mission is doomed from the start."

"It was almost easier not knowing. When I think about being with you, I…"

"I know. Maybe…"

"If you have another suggestion, I'd welcome it."

"Maybe we don't fight it? Obviously, still staying behind a certain line, but other than that, taking the time to get a feel for each other. Get to know each other's bodies. Just enjoy being with each other, orbiting each other like a pair of binary stars."

Saru made a delightful crooning noise. "And just for the sake of clarity, where exactly is this line that we mustn't cross in order not to get too carried away?"

"Um, I'd say approximately between here and here," she leant back and indicated her waist and then her knees.

"I believe I can work within those parameters," he said, that light-hearted tone in his voice again. Tilly giggled.

"Such a dork."

"You love it."

"I do." 

He reached down and unzipped his boots. Tilly tried not to stare as he pulled them off, but he noticed her looking. "It's fine if you want to see," he said, turning sideways and placing both hooves next to her, knees high. "If we're getting married, you will need to get used to them. You can touch them, I don't mind."

If she had to compare them to anything she knew, she would probably say horses, but they weren't exactly that. The front, possibly, but then the upper section swept back in an arch, with rows of raised bumps like the ones on his hands but larger. She stroked along the ridges. "Is there a specific name for these?"

"The word we use roughly translates as 'texture.'

"I do love your textures."

"I have noticed."

"Are they extra sensitive or anything?"

"No more so than the rest of me. But it feels very intimate when you caress them as you do. Because you seem so entranced by our differences."

"It works both ways. Didn't I just have to tie my hair back to keep your head from imploding?"

He chuckled. "Guilty as charged. I admit that I am also similarly entranced by your lack of texture." He took her hand from his ankle and held it in both of his own, stroking it tenderly, running his fingertips up her arm.

"You see humans all the time though."

"True, but usually in uniform. And you're different. Softer."

"Yeah, I totally rock all my curves."

"Your curves are exquisite." Saru continued to caress her arm, being careful not to scratch her. 

"So, these previous partners you mentioned. Were they human too?"

"Some of them. How much would you like to know?"

"I'm not sure. I don't need details. Just a general idea of what you're into, I guess?"

"Right now, I'm only interested in you."

"Same. But your previous experience leaves an impression. I guess I want to know what I'm being compared to."

"I would not compare you to any of them."

"Alright, you win. I'm being nosey."

"I don't mind curiosity. I was away from my planet for eighteen years, so there was some time for experimentation. My first was actually a Denobulan. She taught me a lot and helped me understand myself more. After that there were humans, Trill, Orions and even on one occasion a Vulcan."

"A Vulcan? Really? Okay, I need to know how that happened."

"We were stranded, he was fast approaching his mating cycle, and I was the strongest crew member on board. It was, quite frankly, terrifying, but not entirely unpleasant and certainly memorable."

"Wait, back up. He?"

"I have had experience with various genders, yes." He lowered his eyes and she knew there was more. 

"And…?"

"And… you must understand that I had to become quite open-minded in order to take advantage of the available options."

"Pretty sure we covered that with the whole five different species and various genders revelations."

"This is too much for you at once, isn't it?"

"I'm not judging, really. I just feel like you've had all these wild experiences and I don't know how to live up to that."

He leant back against the raised mound where he usually slept and pulled her into his arms at his side. "There was one couple, two human females, who invited me to join them."

"If you're trying to make me feel better by telling me you had a threeway, it's not going to work."

"I… had a threeway. They enjoyed my company and the liaison went on for a few weeks. It was the longest relationship I've had, before you."

"Okay, it might work. Go on."

"The two of them were very much in love. I observed the way they were together, but though they showed me affection, I was still an outsider. I realised in the end that they saw me as some sort of pet. But I often wondered if I would ever find someone who looked at me the way they looked at each other." He stroked her cheek. "That's what I have with you. It goes far deeper than anything I've felt before- than I've been able to feel. You shouldn't feel insecure about my past because it can't compare to this. To us."

"Thank you. I do feel better. Just one more question."

"Fire away."

"When you say they saw you as a pet…"

"There was a collar and a tail. I could appreciate the affection, but… I was a prey species. There were elements of it that I was too well suited for, namely my instinct to give them power over me, and that in itself posed a threat that I couldn't ignore."

"You like feeling powerless? And afraid?"

"No. I always felt powerless and afraid. It was simply who I was. Including that aspect of myself, feeling that it was acceptable- even valued by certain partners, was liberating. My caution was too often seen as cowardice, but many of my previous partners saw it as something else."

"Well, I think you're very brave."

"I don't feel the constant fear anymore. My whole physiology changed."

"I know, but even before that. You reached out to the stars for answers. You left your planet behind, joined Starfleet. You kept searching. In spite of the fear. You really are the most incredible man I've ever known."

Of course there was no way to respond to that except to kiss her, which he did most enthusiastically. Things got quite heated for a while, as they kissed and touched as much as they dared without crossing the specified line. Tilly could feel patterns through the soft fabric of his tunic that were only hinted at through his uniform. She considered asking him to take his shirt off, but decided that it could wait. It would just be too much of a temptation. 

Eventually they managed to break away from each other long enough to catch their breath and speak. 

"We should think about getting some rest," Saru suggested.

"Hmmm. Like I'm going to be able to get any sleep."

"We do have a busy day ahead of us."

"Yeah, thinking about that is not going to help at all," she snuggled into his shoulder.

"You will need all your available energy, and so will I. I've heard that the bonding is a particularly intense experience."

"Noooot helping," she sang.

He dragged his claws gently across her tightly bound hair. "No, it isn't is it? How are you feeling about tomorrow?"

"Excited, mostly. There are some nerves in there too, but less than there were before. Very, very happy. And also horny. I'm basically just a huge ball of buzzing emotions. You?"

"Similar, I believe. It's strange. I keep thinking I should be more afraid, but the fear is gone."

"Because of the way you've changed?"

"That would be the obvious assumption, but then again all the reasons that I should be afraid at this point simply don't apply. I trust you, and I know that being with you can only be a good thing. Whatever happens with the act itself, I feel secure in our relationship."

"So you're not worried about the commitment? That you'll be permanently, biologically imprinted on me?"

"Not at all. I'm glad that I've found someone so perfect to imprint upon. And, to be quite honest, I can't imagine it any other way. I feel as though, in my heart, the attachment has already been made."

"You say the absolute sweetest things." She pressed a kiss to his chest and sighed. "Ugh. I wish I could just turn off my brain and sleep. But lying here with you is good too."

"Oh, I brought a blanket for you." He sat up and grabbed it from the far corner of the bed where it had been relegated to while they were rolling around, and then shook it out and tucked it around her.

"You do the sweetest things too. I'm glad we're getting married."

He lay back down beside her and gathered her up again. "I could tell you a story again. Or sing you a lullaby."

"You sing too?"

"Passably enough, I hope."

He hummed at first, reminding himself of the tune, and then sang the traditional lullaby that had survived over a thousand years. He felt her relax into his side, and in spite of her protestations she was soon fast asleep. Then it was his mind that was spinning, caught in the sequence of bizarre events that had led him up to this point, and wondering what was still in store. But it felt so right to finally lie with her in his arms like this.

This was home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"All Starfleet personnel must obtain authorisation from their C.O., as well as clearance from their Medical Officer, before initiating an intimate relationship with an alien species."_
> 
> Yes, I went there. In detail.

Tilly woke up feeling more refreshed than she had in weeks, perhaps longer. She had moved off Saru's shoulder at some point in the night, but had managed to get a foot hooked around one of his hooves. He was gazing at her from his pillow-mound, playing with the stray locks of hair that had fallen out of her bun overnight. "Morning," she said with a smile. "Did you sleep?"

"Yes. Quite soundly, actually. I am ready for the day ahead."

Tilly smirked and gave a dirty laugh. "Is that your way of saying you're horny already?"

"What gives it away?"

"You're playing with my hair."

He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "It's a good sign that you know my tells already."

"I'm learning to read your expressions, too. I wonder if I should make a list for the rest of the crew," she teased.

"Don't you dare! I rather like maintaining that element of mystery." 

"I can respect that."

"What about you? You seemed to sleep well."

"Oh god, was I snoring?"

"No, actually."

"Huh. I guess moss bed agrees with me then. I certainly feel 'ready for the day ahead' too,"

He leaned over and kissed her, slow and soft, until she whined and used her tangled foot to bring one of his legs between her own.

"Isn't that out of bounds?" he asked, but didn't make any attempt to remove it.

"It's tomorrow."

"It's oh-seven hundred. Our appointment is in ninety minutes, and I would suggest we take the time for breakfast."

"What if I just want you for breakfast?"

Saru paused, and then carefully moved away. 

Tilly felt a wrench of panic and guilt but wasn't sure why. "Okay, um, breakfast is important to you? Or I'm pushing for too much too soon? Or… what am I missing?"

"Being referred to in any way that insinuates I might be considered food tends to put me ill at ease."

"Oh, crap, I'm sorry. I just meant-"

"I understand what you meant. I am not angry."

"No, you're hurt because I'm an insensitive idiot and I spoke without thinking." She sat up and rearranged the blanket over her knees.

"It's a common comparison. And I understand it was meant as a compliment. But…"

"But it's a very effective mood killer anyway."

"Sorry."

"Hey, nothing to apologise for. It was my bad, okay? It won't happen again."

He nodded and took her hand. "Thank you for understanding."

"So, is this something we should talk about? Like, where the boundaries are?"

He nodded again. "It would avoid further misunderstandings."

"Okay. So… I should avoid words like hungry, or tasty, stuff like that?"

"Please. Although, strictly speaking you do taste me when we kiss, the connotations are unpleasant to think about."

"Right. And you seemed happy enough with me licking and sucking your fingers last night. Or did I miss something there too?"

"I still mentally categorise that kind of thing as kissing. Were you to use your teeth, there might be a problem."

"No biting, got it. You said 'might' though."

"My whole body has been rewritten since the last time I was with anyone, and I fully expect my responses to be different. It may be something we can explore at a later date, but it might be best to put it aside for now."

Tilly mentally shelved the idea of covering him in whipped cream and licking it out of his textures. Other thoughts immediately took its place. "Um, I have one more question but I'm not sure how to phrase it."

"Just say it as best you can, and I will keep an open mind."

"Humans enjoy the thing with the um, kissing of private parts?"

"Now who's getting stuck on euphemisms?"

"In trying to avoid triggering vocabulary, my brain seems to have forgotten all the words for it that don't involve eating."

Saru's head took on an amused angle. "Fellatio? Cunnilingus? Blow jobs, going down, tipping the velvet-"

"Stop stop stop!" she laughed, hiding behind her hands. "Wait, what was that last one?"

"Tipping the velvet? And no, I don't have any problems with that kind of thing. I can keep it under the kissing category. It's not something that one of my species would traditionally engage in, but I am adaptable and I have been taught the skill. Though anatomical differences mean we may have to get inventive if you want to try it on me."

"Anatomical differences."

"Which is why we will be meeting with the doctor."

"Like I said, I've done my homework. I know what the differences are. But I find the idea of working out how we fit together kind of exciting."

"I feel the same. But I ought to go and start getting ready before I think about it too closely and get sidetracked again."

"Good plan. Clothes, breakfast, meeting… anything else on the list?"

"I already have clearance from the admiral."

"You do? Since when?"

"Since I first declared my feelings for you, and you indicated that it was reciprocal. He told me to get on with it and let him know when time off was needed, so I should inform him of our honeymoon period. I will also need to make arrangements with Commander Burnham regarding my absence."

"Can I talk to her first? Because, you know, I want to go be all excited with her and talk about stuff."

"And how much of my personal information should I expect to be revealed in this conversation?"

"I can keep it vague. I don't think she'll want a diagram. But maybe, that we're making a permanent commitment?"

"That is a good way to explain it. Would you mind if we spoke to her together? I consider her my friend too."

"I'd like that."

"Good. Once that's all settled, I am at your disposal."

She chuckled again. "Go get dressed."

She heard the shower running. Apparently, the admiral was trying to persuade him to switch everything over to the more efficient sonic, but Saru kept stalling on the basis of how much disruption it would cause in terms of installation alone. At some point he was going to have to admit that with his extra sensitive ears he could pick up the sound of them, even through the walls.

She let herself imagine him showering. It was going to be something special to finally see him naked, to feel his skin against her own, to experience that closeness. Her body grew warm at the thought.

It grew even warmer when he walked out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel tucked around his waist. He was even more beautiful than she had imagined. The dotted ridges on his hands extended up his finely toned arms, his body covered with intricate, symmetrical patterns. She tried to speak, but only managed a string of inarticulate sounds. He looked at her, chin lowered smugly.

"Wh- what- why would you do this to me?" she stammered as he took a clean uniform out of a drawer.

"Do what?"

"That's just unfair," she waved a hand in his direction. "Do you have any idea how much I want to run over and pull off that towel and get my hands all over you?"

He paused, his eyes fixed on her, considering. "If your body temperature is any indication, quite a bit. You can look as much as you like, but do not touch."

"You're just trying to torture me," she whined, but she was delighted by what she saw. 

"I apologise. I should have given you some warning."

"Nah. This is better. This is… you are so gorgeous."

He sighed. "Thank you. I will admit this was partly a test to see how you would react. I shouldn't be so surprised by the results. Now go and get ready. I don't want to rush breakfast."

Tilly crawled out of bed and he stayed on the other side of the room as she walked past, but her eyes lingered on him until she closed the door. When she came out, fully clothed, he was in uniform too, sitting on the edge of the bed filing his claws. He looked up, nodded, and tested them against the pad of his thumb. Apparently satisfied, he put the file down on the shelf.

"They're tougher than fingernails, right?" she asked.

"Yes. Sharper, too."

She sat beside him and took his hand to inspect it. The claws on the first two fingers were now rounded and blunt. The point had been reduced on his thumb, too. She couldn't help but giggle. "I guess that lesbian couple taught you a thing or two, huh?"

"They were quite strict on the issue, but I submitted willingly. I would not want to hurt anyone. Especially you."

"It's very thoughtful. Thank you."

They exchanged a few light kisses and then Saru suggested that they go and find something to eat. They held hands on the way to the mess hall, not wanting to let go. He ordered a large stack of pancakes with syrup and fruit and placed it between them to share. "Energy food," he declared, passing her a fork.

She smirked and dug into it without complaining. "You know, I read somewhere that sharing your food was one of the ways your people flirt."

"Would this be from one of your romance novels?"

"Maaaaaybe. Is it true?"

"Yes. I thought you knew? Isn't that why you became embarrassed when I shared my dinner after you rescued me from the nebula?"

"No, that was because I had just admitted to Michael that I had a thing for you and was trying to interrogate her for information when you suddenly showed up and I forgot how to do complicated stuff like breathe and eat and talk."

He chuckled. "I really did think you were unwell at first. But then I realised what I had done and what it signified." He paused and stroked her cheek. "You have been so brave for me. And so kind."

Tilly felt herself melting inside at the praise, and was so lost in the moment she didn't notice Michael walking up behind her. "Get a room!" she said with a grin.

Saru quickly put his hands back in his lap and reasserted his dignity. "Good morning, Michael. Please, join us."

She narrowed her eyes at him briefly. "Are you sure, you look like you're having a moment."

"We are," Tilly said, "but we also have something to tell you."

Michael sat down, curious. 

"Tilly and I have been doing a lot of talking and we decided that we want to commit to each other and move our relationship forward," Saru explained. 

"I see," she said with a raise of her eyebrows that indicated she understood the euphemism but wasn't going to make an issue of it. Then she looked at Tilly's grin and smiled back. "I'm happy for you. You guys are definitely good for each other."

"You're not going to tell us it's too fast?" Tilly asked.

"I know how long you've been wanting this. I trust your judgement. Besides, we've all been through too much together. Things could change at any moment, and as far as I'm concerned none of us has the time to waste time not following our hearts."

"Thanks,” she smiled and squeezed her hand. “I should've known you’d understand.” 

“We will both be taking a few days off for a… honeymoon period," Saru said, more seriously.

Michael smirked. "Well, you've both earned it. I can take care of things for a while."

"Promise me you won't do anything rash." 

"It's just a few days. I think I can manage not to rewrite history or start any wars."

"Don't even joke about it," Tilly said, "I need all his attention on me."

"And you will have it, my love," he promised.

"So when you say commitment and honeymoon, is this like a wedding thing? Is there going to be a party?"

"It's a permanent commitment, but a private one," Saru explained, and took another bite of the pancakes.

"Uh-huh, I get it." She nudged Tilly, who rolled her eyes and they both laughed. "Seriously, though, it's awesome. But you're going to have let us do _something_ to celebrate with you. For one thing, I think it would be good for morale. We all left a lot behind us, but you'd be showing us that we can keep moving forward."

"You make a very persuasive argument. Perhaps we can arrange something for after our honeymoon."

"I'm totally up for a party after," Tilly agreed. 

"Great. Well, if I'm in charge for what, three days? I better go get organised. Enjoy your pancakes. And your… honeymoon."

"That will be all, Commander," Saru said pointedly. Michael tried not to smirk at his obvious embarrassment and left them to finish their breakfast in peace. 

***

They arranged to meet Hugh in an empty lab. He sat across the table from them with cups of tea for all. Tilly grabbed Saru's hand, feeling nervous again. Saru pressed it gently to his lips. "Just a date, remember?"

"Mm-hm. I'm good."

Hugh smiled. "I promise I'm going to take good care of you, don't worry. Whatever you need to make you feel comfortable, just let me know, okay?"

"Okay. So where do we start?"

"Well, that's up to you. Do you want to start with questions or just dive straight in?"

"We already talked about some stuff last night," Tilly said. "And I kind of have some idea what to expect. Saru?"

"I am familiar with human anatomy, and some of their habits, but I also know that each person has their own preferences. My main concern is how different it will be for me."

"Now that you've evolved?" Hugh clarified.

"Partially. But also," he paused and stroked Tilly's hand, "because I am in love this time."

Tilly leaned into his shoulder. "That's only going to make it better, I promise." 

Hugh nodded. "She's right. How much do you know about the other differences?"

"I know that it will be a permanent bond on a biological level. I know that it will be much more intense, but everything I read seemed very factual and doesn't quite explain what that actually entails. I'm not scared, exactly, but I like to be prepared and not understanding what my body is going to do to me is unsettling."

"That's perfectly understandable," Hugh assured him. "And having anticipated those kinds of questions, I've been doing my own research, and hopefully I'll be able to give you some answers. Would you like to talk through it step by step? You can both interject with questions whenever you want."

"Please."

Tilly nodded. "I think that would be good for me too."

"Okay. So it starts with foreplay. None of that should be much different, at least not on a physical level. However that progresses, is between the two of you. When Saru's body feels ready, it will respond by emerging. Tilly, do you understand what I mean by that?"

"Anatomical differences," she said. "He keeps his bits on the inside until he needs to use them."

"That's a good way to describe it. But it's not like a human male's erection which can be put on hold. Once he's emerged, the drive to copulate becomes very urgent. That's not to say you're under any obligation to complete the coupling, but if you're not ready, it's best if you can put the brakes on before it gets that far."

"Understood."

"The moment of emerging is almost a climax in itself for Saru. It's not uncommon to space out briefly at this point, but then his entire focus will be on you. You'll need to make sure you are ready- and by ready I mean relaxed and well lubricated and wanting it- because of those anatomical differences." Hugh at least had the decency to blush a little as he went on. "Kelpien males are, on average, longer than humans. Also prehensile."

Tilly blushed too. "So I've read."

"I do, however, have experience with humans," Saru pointed out. "I am able to exercise the self-restraint needed to make sure my partners are comfortable."

"I'm sure you'll take very good care of her," Hugh said, "but bear in mind that your drives and instincts are going to be even stronger now. It might not be as easy as it was before."

"I understand. I have every intention of making sure Tilly is fully prepared."

Tilly suddenly chuckled, and they both looked at her. "No, sorry, it's just now I get why you were so busy filing your claws this morning."

Saru lowered his chin and Hugh chuckled and reached over the table, making a beckoning motion. Saru sighed and offered his hand for inspection. Hugh turned it this way and that, testing the edges. "Looks good to me. Clearly you have more of an idea than I give you credit for."

"As I say, I have done this before."

"He's actually secretly super kinky," Tilly said. "Or at least, I'm starting to get that impression."

Hugh let go with raised eyebrows. "Really?"

"My situation required that I either embrace a certain level of adaptability, or remain celibate. I chose the former option."

"Good choice. Tilly, I take it you're okay with that?"

"It was a little surprising, but I'm warming to the idea. And you know, I'm having to be a bit more open-minded myself recently, so there's that."

Hugh nodded. "Well, the fact that you're here shows that you're willing to be adaptable too. I think you'll be able to work it out. Now, where were we up to?"

"The part where Saru gets all up in my business," she grinned, making the other two laugh.

"Right. So this is where the bonding starts to happen. You might want to discuss what positions would be good for you, but the consensus seems to be that something where you can keep eye contact is preferable. Standing is the most traditional for Kelpiens, but lying down is more usual for humans."

Tilly and Saru looked at each other, and she couldn't keep a straight face. "I don't mind standing if that's a thing. I may need a box or something for the height difference, though."

"Or I could just hold you up against the wall."

She gasped and a shiver ran all through her at the thought. "Oh yeah. I mean, um, that could work."

"Would it be beneficial if I brought you to climax before full penetration?"

"I… um," she blew out a slow breath. "Hugh, would you mind if I say something both personal and, um, explicit?"

"Feel free. This is your space. Nothing leaves this room."

"Right. Thanks. Oh god, here we go. So, I do get extra sensitive after orgasms, but in a very good way. Everything just feels so much more intense. And it does help me relax, but it also takes some of the urgency out of it. So, I think for the first time, at least, I'd like to wait for you. I want to be, like, _needing_ you when that happens."

"Very well. Then I will simply make sure that you're close enough to make it pleasurable."

"Saru, you don't have to put on a performance, you know? It's not just about mutual gratification, it's about us, being together. However the sex goes, it's going to be pleasurable because I get to be with you."

"It's true," Hugh agreed. "The emotional connection makes a difference."

"I would still very much like to be able to make you fall apart, Say-navu."

"I'm sure you will. But you should know that I also plan to do the same to you."

"You're both going to have an amazing time, I've no doubt about that. But Saru, the bonding will affect you. My research suggests that it's going to be much more difficult for you to stay in control. There are chemical responses involved, a sizeable dose of endorphins which will affect your ability to think straight. Under usual circumstances, both partners are under the same influence, but it's something that Tilly's going to have to learn to navigate."

"Hang on, is it going to be that intense every time?"

"It will lessen gradually, with practise, but we'll get to that shortly. First I want to go through the two stages of sex. I know you've both probably read about the process, but I'm going to explain it anyway just as a precaution."

"Before vahar'ai, our bodies are designed to complete the breeding process quickly," Saru stated. "One does not wish to be caught with one's pants down. I have worked on extending my ability to perform, and along with developing other skills, I was able to ensure that non-Kelpien partners are fully satisfied."

"After the evolution, the risks of predators are greatly reduced," Hugh continued. "You're now able to defend yourselves, which means you can take more time. Your spines may come out too."

"If they do, please resist the urge to touch them, my love."

"Touching them would be a very bad idea, yes. Don't do that."

"I won't. No matter how weird and sexy it is."

“In fact it might be prudent to keep your hands away from that area of my head once I become more aroused, just to be on the safe side.”

“Okay.”

Hugh took a sip of tea and went on. "The first stage, for those without Saru's enhanced prowess, is often still completed quickly, leading to the male's ejaculation. But in order to increase the chances of fertilising the female, there's now a second stage. The male organ swells to fill the female, making it difficult to separate. This is said to be extremely pleasurable for both parties. With small, slow movements, the female reaches her own climax, which helps carry the seed on its way. This triggers a second, smaller release for the male, after which his organ reduces until he's able to withdraw comfortably."

Tilly nodded throughout the explanation, while Saru sat quietly. "See, even though I've read all this, possibly from the same textbook, when you say it out loud like that, it sounds… like, a lot?"

"It does, but you're not the first human and Kelpien couple out there. The fullness will feel like a lot at first, but give it a moment and your body will adapt. Slow breathing helps."

"Is that speaking from personal experience?"

He pressed his lips together briefly. "I'm not sure if that's relevant. Besides, do you seriously want that visual?"

"Please? I feel like I'm having to overshare everything here, and it would help to level the playing field."

"Okay then, yes. If it's anything like anal, then the more you tense, the more uncomfortable it gets. Keep those muscles relaxed, start slow, and you'll be surprised how much you can take."

"Thank you."

He cleared his throat. "Saru's going to be completely out of his tree by this point, so you'll need to be assertive if there's a problem. It's important not to try to separate too soon. I'm going to give you a hypospray that you can use if you need to stop halfway for any reason. It will stimulate the muscular contractions and trigger the second release so you can separate."

"Potion of orgasm. Awesome."

"I won't hurt her, will I?" Saru asked, clearly concerned. 

"I don't think so. It's more of a safety precaution. I expect that with the way you two are tuned into each other, it's going to flow naturally and feel amazing."

"And what do you mean by 'out of my tree?'"

"The bonding. As I said, lots of endorphins. It's part of the imprinting process, making associations between feeling good and being with your partner. It begins in the first stage, but that's tempered by the sex drive. Once you reach the second stage… well, the best I can gather, you're pretty much drowning in bliss."

"That's… interesting."

"Don't worry, love. I'm going to take care of you, too. Hugh, how do I take care of him?"

"Keep eye contact. Let him hear your voice. It doesn't have to be words, he'll probably be too far gone to understand them anyway, but any sounds you make will strengthen the bond. Touching is important too. You want to flood all of his senses with as much of you as you can give him. The bonding doesn't stop with the first time you have intercourse, either. It's going to be an intense week."

"Week? I thought a few days would be enough," Saru said. 

"If you were working in a low-level maintenance job, maybe, but you're the captain. You need all your faculties to do your job, and this is going to seriously affect your judgement. It's also a biological imperative, so I can officially sign off for a week on medical grounds, and I want to do a full assessment before I clear you for duty again. And no arguments, that's standard procedure for all Kelpiens in Starfleet."

"Very well. I suppose I can't argue with procedure. Although I'll have to inform Michael that my absence will be longer than expected."

"Wait, she's planning a party," Tilly said. "We should probably postpone that too, right?"

"You can probably manage a party in the latter half of the week, but make sure you get some sex in before you head out. Your libido is about to go through the roof. You don't have to stay in your quarters, but you'll need to be ready to go back there on short notice if the urge arises. Tilly, you might have your work cut out keeping up. Drink plenty of water and eat lots of healthy energy food. Traditionally friends and family will stop by daily and leave meals, so let us know if you need anything. Also, don't skimp on the lube." 

"Lube, right. Any recommendations?"

"I'll put some in a package with the orgasm potion." Hugh folded his hands on the table and grew serious. "That's the easy part out of the way."

"There's more?" Tilly asked, and felt Saru squeeze her hand. 

"Procreation," he said gently. "There are other risks."

"Oh. Of course."

"There is a possibility of conception," Hugh told them, "but the chances of a viable pregnancy without intervention are remote at best. You need to take precautions."

"My implant is good for another two months," Tilly said. 

"Make sure you keep it updated. If, in the future, you decide you want to have your own genetic children, there have been advancements in inter-species genetic manipulation and success with IVF. I know it's early days and you're unlikely to be thinking about it yet, but the option is there."

Saru and Tilly looked at each other. "Is that something… have you even thought about that?" she asked him.

"I never considered it would be an option for me," he said slowly. "Is it something you want?"

"I never… I mean, I guess I thought maybe one day, but it wasn't high on my list of priorities. Unless you want…"

"I'm not certain."

"You don't have to make any decisions now," Hugh said. "Just testing the waters. It can be a deal breaker for some people."

"No. No, I want to be with you, Tilly, offspring or not."

"Me too. We can think about it later. Much later."

"Good. Well, I'm glad we're in agreement. Is there anything else we need to go over?"

"Hugh?"

"I think that covers all we need to. Unless there's any other questions."

Saru shook his head. "Tilly?"

"No, um. That was all very thorough. I think… I think we're ready. Are we ready?"

"Yes. I believe we are."

"In that case, follow me to my office, I'll get you those supplies I mentioned, and you'll be good to go."

There was a moment's pause, heavy with expectation, as they realised what they were about to do. Saru nodded and kissed her hand. "You go with Hugh, I'll speak to Michael. Take as much time as you need to prepare. I'll wait for you in my quarters."

Tilly put a hand behind his head and kissed him. "I'll see you soon."

***

Back in sickbay, Hugh used his medical replicator to produce a large bottle of lube and several protein bars which he stuffed into a small zip-case with the hypo spray. "Do you have a big water bottle? Might be a good idea to keep one by the bed, just in case you forget how your legs work."

She groaned and rolled her eyes. "Seriously, I'm not Adira, you don't need to mother me."

"Oh, girl, I totally need to mother you. You two are my babies now. I made sure you got together, I just gave you the talk, and one day I'm going to help you create me some perfect red-haired grandbabies with adorable little hooves."

"I'm not- that's not the plan."

"Don't crush my dreams," he grinned, holding out the bag. "Now go get laid."

She took it and shuffled her feet. "I don't… Do you think I should go straight away? Because he said take as long you need, but does that mean as much as _I_ need, or does he just want some time to himself before he basically becomes addicted to me forever? Because if he needs space, I can totally give him space, but I don't want to keep him waiting if-"

"Tilly, breathe." He put his hands on her shoulders. "It's going to be okay. Better than okay. I'm sure he just means exactly what he said."

"Okay. So I just take a moment if I need a moment. Do I need a moment?"

"Do you?"

"Probably. I'm about to get life-bonded. Should I be wearing a wedding dress?"

"I'm sure your uniform will be fine. It's not like you're going to be wearing it for long anyway."

She took a few breaths. "Right. I'm good. Wish me luck."

"Good luck. Not that you'll need it."

"No, I got this. Inter-species sexy times, here I come! I mean- crap."

"Go. Now. He's waiting."

"I'm going!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I give you... gratuitous smut.

Tilly took a moment outside Saru's door, clutching her bag to her chest. As well as the package from Hugh, she had put in some spare clothes and a few personal items. She lifted her hand to knock, but paused. Dropping her bag to the floor she reached up and took out her hairband, letting ringlets fall down her back and shoulders. She took a steadying breath and knocked. 

"Come in," he called, and the door opened. He was bare-hooved, wearing his traditional dress and he looked… perfect.

She remembered to take a step, and then another. "Wow. I suddenly feel under dressed."

"You look beautiful," he answered without hesitation. 

"So do you." She looked around. "Have you moved stuff?"

"Ah, yes. A little. Finding a flat area of wall where I would not bump my head in the heat of the moment turned out to be more challenging than expected. But I believe I found a solution." His hands ran down his hips as he spoke, and he looked towards the far end of the room. He had cleared a space in the tallest, central point and surrounded it with greenery. There was a small table on either side, each piled with flowering plants of varying sizes, and then a few of the larger pots with leaves that reached above her waist. Together with the trailing roots that hung from the ceiling, it felt almost like an arbour.

"Wow," she said again. "It's wonderful. How did you find time to do all this?"

"I had Michael beam over to help me. We talked while we worked."

Tilly nodded, not sure what to do next. Then she remembered, and rummaged in her bag. "I have the stuff. I should probably put it somewhere safe where I can reach it."

He waved her towards the area, and she found a suitable place under the leaves of one of the potted plants on the table. It would be a bit of a side stretch if she was pinned, but reachable. She tucked the bag underneath the table out of the way. When she turned around, she found Saru standing very close to her. "Oh! Hi."

"Greetings," he replied with an amused sideways tilt of his head. "Is there anything else you need to do by way of preparation?"

"Um, no. I'm all good." She swallowed, wanting him but also feeling nervous. "So, this is it, then?"

"Yes. This is it. Are you certain that this is what you want?"

"Absolutely. So certain. You?"

He nodded quickly. "Yes. You're the one. And I want you to know that however these biological imperatives may affect me in the future, right here, in this moment, I choose you of my own free will."

"Saru," she sighed, and placed a hand on his chest. His heart was beating hard and fast. "Are you frightened?"

He covered her hand with his own. "A little, perhaps. Only enough to be oddly reassuring. For the most part, I'm excited. I'm ready to begin our journey together."

She reached up and cupped his cheek. "Me too. I love you, Saru. I promise that I'll always be there for you."

"I love you, too."

They moved as one, closing the distance between them and leaning in to kiss. She felt his fingers move in her hair, heard him moan in pleasure at the feel of it. She let her hand move around to the back of his head, following the lines of texture. Then his arms were around her, holding her so close, so tight, and her whole body was flooded with desire. All those weeks of wanting were over. It was their time.

She pulled at his tunic, her hands finding a way underneath and gasped at the feel of him. There was so much to explore and she wanted all of it. She mapped out every groove and every symmetrical ridge, noticing the way they echoed his ribcage and backbone.

He moaned against her mouth again, and already the layers of clothing felt like too much of a separation. She pushed the tunic up insistently, and he let go of her to strip it off. Then his hands were busy at her collar, the zip, and he pulled her jacket away and tossed it behind him. Glancing at the uniform on the floor he paused, and turned back to cradle her face, looking into her eyes. "Apologies. Do you need me to slow down?"

She swept her fingers over his abdomen and shook her head. "No. I've waited long enough. I just want to feel all of you."

His eyes closed as he inhaled deeply. "Very well. But let us enjoy this moment." He continued to undress her with great care and attention, kneeling to remove her boots first and setting them aside. The fluid movements of his fingers were utterly entrancing. His hands wandered down her sides and then caught her tank top and pulled it up over her head. For a moment she wished she'd made more effort with her underwear, but he seemed much more interested in what was underneath anyway. He deftly unhooked her bra and that too was soon on the floor. 

His hands on her skin felt amazing. He was clearly as keen to explore her as she was him. He bent to kiss her neck and inhale her scent, nuzzling into her hair with a sound that was almost a growl. She gasped and her fingers found their way under his waistband and started to slide it downwards. Pressing his forehead to hers again, he caught her gaze. He covered her hands with his own, encouraging, guiding, and then kicked the trousers away. She could feel more grooves and nodules around his hips, the tops of his thighs, and then she moved one hand inward. Even still sheathed, her touch between his legs made him inhale sharply. The arrangement she found there made her think of overlapping shells, or the petals of a closed flower waiting to bloom. She stroked him carefully, marvelling at how intimate it felt, how strange and yet still intensely arousing. His eyes fluttered shut; his mouth opened, and she had her first glimpse of him beginning to lose control.

She liked it. A lot.

He growled again, deliberately guiding her hand back onto his hip and then moved to unfasten her trousers. He pushed them and her underwear down together and she quickly stepped out of them. A hoof moved them out the way.

And there they were, naked, exposed, together. 

They paused for a few moments to fully take in the sight of each other, hands lightly wandering, eyes appreciating, hearts full to overflowing. 

There was no need for words.

Saru took hold of her hips and pulled her close, and she leaned against him, rising up on her toes to kiss him deep and long. As the urgency built he wrapped his arms around her waist to lift her off her feet, making her giggle in surprise. Her laughter quickly turned into moans when he stepped towards the wall and pinned her to it with the pressure of his own body. She lifted a leg over his hip instinctively; he caught it and squeezed her thigh, pressing their bodies harder together.

She breathed his name, and he whispered hers back, praises spilling from his lips that made her chest clench and her head spin, or maybe it was the kisses that peppered her neck and then her breasts as his hands moved further down her body. He sucked one nipple to a hard bead and let his teeth graze over it (not biting- he never came close to biting) while his fingers wandered up to the very top of her inner thigh.

"May I?" he asked, always the gentleman, even now.

"God, yes!" she gasped.

He knelt down, guiding the leg he carried onto his shoulder as he did so, and kissed the curve of her belly with obvious delight. He was extremely careful about how he explored the delicate area, keeping his fingers angled so that he touched only with the pads and not his claws. He stroked through the hair and then trailed one finger over the line of her outer lips. She whined desperately. "Saru, please!" 

He parted her, and she shivered and groaned with pleasure as he mapped her inner folds. She was so wet and aching with need. When he moved his face in to lick and then suck at her, she almost collapsed with relief. He somehow managed to catch her waist and hold her up with his mouth still fastened over her clit. Holy crap, he was good at this. She leaned back into the wall and clutched at his head. Tracing the lines of texture she found there had a grounding effect that kept her from being overwhelmed. When he was sure that she was more steady, he moved his hand back to circle her entrance with movements that echoed the tip of his tongue.

She breathed. She grinned. Tiny whimpers escaped from her throat. She marvelled at the idea that it was Saru kneeling before her, working so diligently to give her pleasure. Her very inhuman lover, so strange yet beautiful, his usual composed exterior being torn away piece by piece to reveal unexpected depths of passion. To finally feel this close, this bare, after waiting for so long was more joy than she could contain.

When he slid his fingers into her, she cried out loud. He was making a noise somewhere between a purr and a croon. He moved with purpose, finding all the places where she was most sensitive and how she liked to be touched. She could feel his breath on the top of her thighs, and realised that he wasn't going to need to pause for air and would probably just keep going until she told him to stop.

She really didn't want to tell him to stop. 

She held out for as long as she could, but she was getting close and she didn't want to come, not yet. "Saru, love, stop," she gasped. 

He eased away and looked up at her, his pupils larger than she had ever seen them, and made a noise of curious disappointment. 

"You're amazing. It's too good. I need _you,_ now."

He stood wordlessly, taking her by the hips and lifting her without any trace of effort. She threw her legs around him and his hands on her rear kept her fully supported, the insistent pressure of his body leaving her no room to move. As they kissed again she could feel something happening below, a kind of shifting and throbbing. Foreheads still together, he pulled back, gasping. "I love you," he whispered again.

"I love you, too," she said, and his body twitched and something wet and blunt was pressing hesitantly between her legs. She grabbed his face in both hands, looking into his eyes. "It's okay, love. I got you. I'll take care of you, whatever happens, I promise."

He groaned and her breath caught as she felt him squirming, seeking the way in. He slid into her with just enough resistance to feel good, just the right size that she could feel every line and ridge of texture. He moaned again, his pupils going wider still, spines emerging from behind his ears ready for the threat of any interruption. His breath came ragged and uneven and he pressed so deep it hurt. She winced and he adjusted the angle to something more comfortable. 

"I… sorry…" He was already struggling to speak.

"It's fine. It's you. Oh my god, it's _you!_ Saru!"

His mouth moved but whatever words he was trying to say were reduced to a string of vowels as she squeezed her thighs on his waist and tilted her hips. She ran a thumb over his lower lip and smiled at him. The crooning sound resumed as he began to thrust into her with an unsteady rhythm. She could feel him moving around inside too, searching out the spots he had located earlier and pushing against them. Every now and again he would pause, breathing hard, and she knew he was resisting all his instincts so as to hold on and make it last as long as possible.

It certainly wasn't like any sex she'd had before, but whatever he was doing was working. Each time he moved brought her closer, and each time he paused left her wanting more. His thrusts were quick and precise. The texture within and without provided a perfect friction in all the right places. "Don't stop," she pleaded. "I'm… oh!"

She gripped his shoulders, feeling hard, taut muscle. He kept driving into her until her whole body tensed and shuddered violently. She forced herself to keep her eyes fixed on his and let her voice ring out as the pleasure ripped through her. He came with a loud grunt of his own, his body going rigid and then melting into softness.

Panting, she smiled at him, and he kissed her lightly. She could still feel him throbbing inside her. No, not just throbbing, _growing._

Saru's eyes were still fixed on her, and she couldn't look away, didn't want to. There was a lightness and a wonder in that face, in the parting of his lips and the wildness of his eyes. The spines shifted, but remained out. She carefully avoided them as she stroked him. It was almost too much- so much emotion, so much sensation. She was still wallowing in the afterglow, full of joy and adoration but the stretch below was becoming intense.

_Breathe. Relax into it._

Full. That was the only word for it. There was pressure inside, and a small tilt of her hips was enough to know that pulling away was no longer an option. They were bound together now, in more ways than one. And it felt so very good. 

She whimpered, her body adapting quickly, and gave another experimental tilt that had her moaning. Saru purred and began to move very slowly. She felt every exquisite millimetre. Every moment they were joined like this was a gift. She felt like she was going to burst with it. She could only imagine how much deeper it went for him, the intensity of his biology magnifying the feelings. 

She was so lost in him that she barely noticed the tension gradually building again. She wanted. She needed. Then she was suddenly aware that she was teetering on a precipice. A part of her held on, not wanting it to end, not wanting to let go, but when the moment inevitably arrived she welcomed it.

The orgasm was smooth but strong, shivers and ripples of pleasure coursing through her without seeming to end. She rode it through while Saru stuttered and gasped and finally grew still. She squeezed him once more, setting off another wave of glorious aftershocks and then kissed him gently. 

He blinked slowly, as if bringing the world back into focus, and sighed the most contented sigh she'd ever heard. She could feel the pressure inside reduce and the strange way he slithered out of her. She unhooked her legs and he lowered her back to unsteady feet. Everything felt spinny, but his arms went around her and she felt safe. 

She leant onto his chest, heard his heart thumping.

"Bed?" she suggested.

He hummed his agreement.

"Let me just grab stuff." When she tried to move out of his embrace, he made a noise like he was in pain. "Okay. I guess a few more minutes wouldn't hurt."

He tightened his grip and buried his face in her hair. The spines finally retracted.

"I love you, Saru. I know how much you've just given me, and I'm so grateful, and so happy, and I promise you that I'm going to honour it."

He hummed again. "Say-navu."

She smiled up at him. "Recovering the power of speech?"

He made a non-committal noise, and she giggled.

"Right. Well, I suppose the floor will do just as well. Lie down with me."

He folded himself elegantly down, taking her with him though her movements felt much more ungainly. She lay down on her back and he draped himself over her, head on her chest. "Soft," he sighed.

She stroked the lines of his cheek and his ears. "Yeah, I guess I do make an excellent pillow."

He lay there, purring away, and she held him, loving him and feeling loved. 

***

Saru breathed and his mind slowly cleared. He gradually became more aware of aspects of his surroundings other than the soft body beneath his face and his limbs. There was light from above, and the whirring of the life support, and the scent of earth mixed with the more exciting fragrances of Tilly and their lovemaking.

His brain still wasn't up to dealing with the consequence of that. All he knew was that he had a strong compulsion to stay as close to her as he possibly could. And he didn't mind indulging that desire at all.

She moved very slowly and quietly, reaching one hand out and retrieving a bottle from her bag under the table. He raised his head as she drank, suddenly aware of his own thirst.

"Hm. Water." Wait, that didn't come out right.

"Yeah," she smiled, and he fought to keep his mind from unraveling at the light in those eyes. "You want some?"

"Please." He took the offered bottle and drank deeply, wondering at the strength of the magnetic pull that moving away far enough to perform such a simple act evoked. His body seemed to have very specific ideas about where it needed to be, and anywhere that wasn’t within a few centimetres of Tilly was not an option. 

"How are you feeling?"

Now there was a question. He handed back the bottle and nuzzled her chest while he tried to think of words. The whole experience had been so intense, so primal, that trying to categorise it verbally was beyond him. "Wonderful. You?"

She drank some more and smiled. "Pretty smug about the fact that I've reduced you to one word sentences, actually." 

Saru chuckled, still heady from the chemicals flooding his system. "Brain."

"Yeah, I'm super awesome and I short-circuited your brain."

He took a deep breath, straining to recall how language worked. He was supposed to be good at languages. But her scent in his nostrils was intoxicating and his senses narrowed back down until she was all that he could feel. "Yes. Awesome. Beautiful. Tilly. Mine."

He had said it backward, of course. He was the one who belonged to her now, body and soul, and he ached to his very bones with it. He moved up to kiss her, in an effort to relieve some of the tension, to communicate with actions what he no longer could with words. She moaned softly against his mouth like she understood. But it wasn’t enough. His body moved with a will of its own, covering her, writhing and pressing, touching her strangely smooth, soft skin, fingers tangling in her hair. She was kissing him back, grasping at him, her legs parting in welcome. He settled between them, and it already felt like home. 

She made a surprised sound and pulled back suddenly. “The hypo,” she gasped. It took a moment for him to work out what she meant. “Just in case,” she added.

Ah, yes. That. Not that he ever intended for her to need it, but it would help her peace of mind. He reached up a long arm and retrieved it without having to get too far from her. There was something else beside it, so he grabbed that too. “Lube?” he suggested. Even with their own natural resources, it had become exceptionally tight last time, and he was still concerned about causing her damage.

“Good idea,” she agreed, took the bottle from him and squeezed some into her own hand. Then she reached down between them and her mouth opened as she made one of her delightful happy noises. His head tilted in appreciation of the wanton expression as she touched herself, her desire a visible aura of heat. He liked seeing her happy. He decided he was going to make sure it occurred as often as possible.

She pulled him in tight with arms and legs, and he melted into her embrace. They kissed eagerly, hips rocking all the while, the wet heat of her quickly stirring up his desire.

"I… want…" he breathed.

"Don't fight it," she urged.

He was already positioned exactly where he needed to be, the friction bringing him so close to relief. He groaned as he let go, as he opened and broke free, and then pressed his way through slick folds and inside. The rush of euphoria was physically tangible, sending tingles down his back and through his limbs.

It felt different this time. Less like a thunderstorm and more like a strong, steady rain. The passion and the intensity were still there, but some of the urgency had abated. They took their time, cherishing the feeling of unity. Tilly whispered his name and promises of her eternal love. Saru was beyond words, but her voice was a balm on his soul. He looked at her and he kissed her, and lost sense of all else. She was everything now, his universe, and he could feel himself drifting away into space. He was floating, weightless and free among the stars. She was his bright, burning sun, and was trapped eternally in her orbit. Or perhaps she was an inescapable black hole, pulling him in, stealing his will and his ability to think. That would explain the strange time distortion he was experiencing too. 

No, she wasn't anything as destructive as that. She was his garden, his place of peace and hope, his life. He was sinking his roots deep into her soil as she twined all her vines around him.

Where the hell was his head at?

It was as if he were dreaming while he was awake, all these strange thoughts and images spinning through his mind, unbidden. What was his body doing to him? He wanted to panic, but even that was beyond him. He forced himself to be still, to try and calm and regain some measure of control.

Tilly was speaking. The words were a blur, but he recognised his own name, and the tones were soothing. She had sensed his moment of distress- if one could call it distress when one was still drowning in euphoria. She touched his face gently and he found her eyes.

"That's it. Come back to me. I'm right here. Nothing else matters."

She was right of course. As long as they were together, everything would be fine. Wonderful, even. He breathed out the tension and relaxed, and she smiled up at him, so beautiful, so brave, so clever. She knew. Of course she knew. She understood him, and he loved her for that, too.

He loved her more than he loved anything. His body started moving again, and she whispered more words of encouragement, moving with him. His awareness focused in on the sensations where they joined, the heat, the friction, the fire all along his length buried deep inside her-

"Tilly!"

That one word, her name, his everything, took him over the edge. He felt the pulsing through every fibre of his being, and cried out as the pleasure overwhelmed him. It went on as he throbbed and grew, every nerve tingling, every touch electric. Tilly gasped and smiled as he filled her, her hands on his lower back pulling him deeper. She still wanted him. He moved by instinct, all higher functions torn away, kissing and caressing and simply reveling in the state of being joined. 

He noticed the gradual change in her breathing, in the urgency with which she moved. He coaxed her gently towards her peak, feeling her tense and quiver and then buck and arch under him. Her moans turned into shrieks and dragged his own release from him, both of them whimpering in the afterglow.

"Saru?" she said, searching his face. "Are you okay?"

He nodded slowly. 

"Can you talk?"

He opened his mouth, but there were no words there. He shook his head. 

"Don't worry. It's just the endorphins, remember? You're just really, _really_ high."

That explained it. He chuckled and leaned on an elbow. 

"Presumably, you'll come back down at some point, but if you keep this up it might not be until tomorrow." She blew out a long breath. "I am going to be so sore by the end of the week, but it's gonna be so worth it. That was amazing. Again. I mean, even spaced out, you're incredible. But it's not surprising, I guess, with your dedication to making a good impression."

"Tilly," he said, and pressed a finger to her lips.

"Sorry," she whispered. "I'm doing it again, aren't I? I think I might still be a little high too."

"Bed."

"Yes. Think we can make it that far?"

He made a noncommittal noise and tilted his head sideways, and Tilly laughed.

It was too difficult to let go and stand up, so he just slid off to one side. She collected everything into her bag and sat up, and he mirrored her movements, keeping as much contact as he could.

She giggled again. "Okay, walking like this could be awkward. Would it help if you carried me?"

He looked at her, mentally stumbling through the significance of the suggestion and working out the steps needed to perform such a task, then grabbed her around the waist and hoisted her into one arm, taking the bag in the other. She shrieked, still laughing, as he carried her to bed. When he got there, he found he wasn't sure how to let her down again, so he just sat on the edge with her sideways on his lap.

"Lie down," she instructed. "I'm staying right beside you. We can snuggle up until you remember how to talk." 

Saru murmured a happy agreement and they curled up together. Slowly, the fog in his mind began to lift. He still felt ridiculously happy, but was becoming more coherent with it. Tilly's fingers wandered over his chest and belly, exploring the patterns. It felt lovely. His sexual urges seemed to have stopped for a while, at least.

He bent his head and kissed her hair, momentarily lost in the now familiar fragrance, then sighed and finally spoke. "I love you so much, Sylvia Tilly."

She turned to smile up at him. "I love you too. Welcome back."

He scoffed lightly.

"How are you doing?"

"It has been a very… intense experience. Most enjoyable, of course, but in a peculiar way that I'm not accustomed to."

"You're the kind of person who likes to be in control of things. You got lost for a while. I can imagine it must have been scary."

"I wasn't afraid, exactly. It felt too good for that. I simply had a few moments of confusion. And you took care of me, for which I am grateful."

"Of course I did. It's our job to take care of each other now."

"I can't imagine anyone else I'd rather have in that role."

"Good, because you're stuck with me. Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Certainly."

"When exactly did you fall in love with me?"

"Difficult to say. I believe the feelings were there a long time before I knew what they were. I have always known that you were something special, but it wasn't until I began working so closely with you that I realised it went deeper than friendship. But it was my confidence in you as a person and in your abilities that led to my decision to make you Number One, not any romantic inclinations."

"No, I get that."

"I'm sorry for what I put you through when I had to take it away."

"It was the right decision, though. And I've already forgiven you. Besides, this is so worth it." She squeezed him tighter.

"Hmm. I concur. I am looking forward to sharing my life with you."

"Yeah, we should probably talk about that. We kind of jumped into the whole bonding thing without discussing living arrangements or anything."

"Indeed. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, you seem very settled in here. You didn't even move to take over the captain's quarters."

"Yes, I have rather nested. Still, I would be happy to rearrange things to accommodate you. Or we could relocate to one of the family quarters. With our reduced crew there's space available."

"What about your plants though?"

"It would take time, but most of them could be transported. If you don't mind living in a garden."

"Turns out I sleep much better on moss. And it's not like I have much stuff anyway. I think I could fit in here, if you'd be happy with me in your space."

"I would be delighted to share my space with you."

"Michael will probably be delighted too, now she's got her own boyfriend. I'm glad it's going well for her."

"As am I. She's earned a chance at happiness."

Tilly sighed. "So I'm really moving in with you."

"I hope so. Presumably the need to be constantly touching you will abate with time, but I'll still want you nearby whenever possible. I can set up another desk so you have your own personal space, and we can make room for another storage unit under the window."

"Sounds perfect."

"It's the least I can do."

They kissed again, lazy, tender kisses, but even that was arousing. He cupped her face with one hand while the other wandered down to her rear and pulled her in closer.

She giggled. "Saru, my love, I am totally up for another round, but first I need to, um…" she pointed towards the bathroom.

"Oh, right. I, uh, I should let you go, then."

"Is that going to be okay? Or do you want to come with me?"

"I would hope that I can manage for the time it takes you to answer the call of nature."

She bit her lip thoughtfully, and carefully stood up. She managed to take exactly two steps before she heard a strangled noise behind her. When she turned, Saru looked terrible. His mouth was pressed tightly together, his arms hugged over his chest and his knuckles white with tension. Tilly rushed back and held him. 

"Okay, I'm not doing that again."

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, nuzzling into her hair.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tried to leave. Besides, it's just a normal bodily function, I shouldn't let my embarrassment about it be a reason to hurt you. Here," she peppered kisses all over his head, and stroked his arms and his back. "I'm here. I'm not leaving you again. Whatever you need."

He caught her face and kissed her deeply, and she kissed back with equal enthusiasm. 

"Better," he breathed.

"Good. I still need to pee though. And I could also do with getting cleaned up, so why don't you come with me, you can keep holding my hand, and then maybe we can jump in the shower together."

"I'll just make a mess of you again afterwards," he pointed out.

"I was hoping you'd make a mess of me _during."_

"Oh. Well, in that case, let us proceed."

She trailed her hands down his arms and pulled him up to stand. Then she slid her arm around his waist and pulled his arm over her shoulder so that their bodies stayed in contact all down the side. "Like this?"

"This is much better, yes."

"I'm going to make it work, Saru. I know it's complicated, but I'll do whatever it takes."

"Believe me, I'm sure your embarrassment is no greater than my own."

"It doesn't need to be." She turned towards him. "I know things are going to be weird- or at least take some getting used to. We're different, we're both going to have to make adjustments and we'll probably get some stuff wrong along the way. Maybe me more than you, because I've never done this before."

"I've never done _this_ before either. I've never had a relationship, let alone a permanent one. There will be plenty of things that I will have to learn too. It should be daunting, but somehow you make it less so."

"I feel the same way. There's all this biology and culture and so much that I still don't know, and that should be frightening, but mostly I'm just excited."

"Well, I believe that's an appropriate emotion for one's wedding day."

She smiled. "It is, isn't it? Shall we go get married some more?"

"I don't think we can get _more_ married than we currently are."

"Oh, yeah, we totally can. So much more married. In fact, we should probably make it a priority to see how much marrying we can do in the space of a week."

"Indeed. And this in no way has anything to do with you getting carried away by my chemically reduced refractory period?"

"Hugh said the bonding doesn't end the first time we have sex. I figure the more sex we have, the more attached we get."

"The more attached _I_ get."

"I might not have the same biological imperatives, but sweetheart, when we make love, I'm giving myself to you, too. It's definitely a mutual bonding thing."

He sighed. "Remind me never to underestimate you, my love."

"You're a fast learner. You won't forget. Now, I need to go do a thing before we both get uncontrollably horny again. Come on."

"I will follow you to the ends of the universe, Say-navu."

They walked together as one.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I know that I've come here from a much raunchier fandom and it seems Disco fans are a bit more reserved than Lucifans, but thank you to those of you who have been leaving little comments, it does make me smile so much!

The ensuite bathroom (or rather shower room) was very small, not that it made much difference because Saru didn't seem to be able to move more than a few inches away from Tilly without visible discomfort. He did at least close his eyes and hum quietly to himself while she attended the call of nature, as he put it, though he kept a hand on her shoulder. She hid her face behind her hands and giggled, realising that this might not be the only time they had to go through this. But couples did this kind of thing eventually anyway, right? Granted without the touching part, more like one person has to go while the other is cleaning their teeth or something. They were just getting there early, was all.

"I'm sorry," he said again when she was finished and washing her hands. "Not the most romantic aspect of our new relationship."

"Not traditionally romantic, maybe, but kind of domestic, which is pretty much romance. We're getting to know each other, sharing personal stuff," she giggled again, "and I guess there's intimacy in that too. Plus, it's kinda hot that you _literally_ can't keep your hands off me."

His arms tightened around her waist from behind. "I really can't. It is terribly inconvenient."

She looked at them together in the mirror. "If I was Kelpien too, we'd both be in this state. I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like."

"Hugh mentioned the tradition of leaving gifts of food. I assume that means they might otherwise neglect meals."

"Yeah. Only for us it would be Michael banging on the door, ordering us to stop screwing long enough to eat."

He chuckled. "It's a good point, though. We haven't eaten in… I have no idea what the time even is."

"Way past lunch. Good thing we had those pancakes. Maybe once we're all clean we should think about getting something. I've got rations if we get stuck."

"They might have to suffice for now. A trip out would mean putting on clothes, which could prove difficult in my current state."

"It would involve some juggling, yeah."

He sighed, watching his own hands in the reflection as they trailed over her body. "I much prefer you like this anyway. So soft and smooth and touchable."

She hummed and reached up to explore the creases in the back of his head. "And you're all swirly and kissable." She bit her lip. "Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask whatever you like."

Turning in his arms, she ran a finger from his collarbone, down his breast ridge and into a small indented pool at his side. "I really want to get my tongue on all this."

His head tilt and glance upward suggested humour. "Technically, that was a statement, not a question."

She nodded. "Correct. So I guess the question would be: can I lick- I mean, kiss- you all over?"

 _"All_ over?" He bent to kiss her neck.

"Well, that depends on how far you'd like me to go. You did a very good job of kissing me _all_ over earlier."

"I would be happy to do that again. I could make you come this time. See how it feels to creep inside of you when you're all sensitive and quivering."

"Oh, fuck, Saru, you really shouldn't talk like that."

"Like what?" he asked, moving her hair from her shoulder to press lips to pale skin.

"Filthy!"

"You should not swear."

"Okay, sorry, but does that actually really bother you, because if so, I can try not to?"

He paused and leant back. "Have I misunderstood? I thought I was playing along, following your lead."

"Oh, no, I'm just… what, like a role-play?"

"Of a sort. I am very familiar with the concept. I have always made a great deal of effort to be what I thought others expected of me. With you, I thought it might be more fitting to lean in to our actual roles."

She filed the first part of that revelation away for a later conversation when they both had full use of their brains, and focussed on the second part. "You mean like, you're my captain and I tell you not to be so inappropriate and then you reprimand me for being…" she grinned, "naughty?"

"Something like that. Though I'm not sure how long I can maintain the persona before I forget how to speak again."

"Maybe we'll save that one for when the hormones are running a little less wild."

"Excellent plan. You do like me being assertive, though."

"I do. I also like when all that assertiveness crumbles and you go all feral on me."

He pressed forward, forcing her against the sink. "I am not there yet. And for the record, I don't object to you swearing while off duty, as long as the situation justifies."

"And you should know that my only real objection to you talking like that is that it's extremely sexy. Not that I object to that either, it just does things to me."

"So I see." His hands moved to cover her breasts and fondled them gently. "You are warmer. And flushed. I can also smell your arousal, which is rather intoxicating." He bent his knees and started kissing down her body, but she stopped him.

"Wait, hang on, I'm still all sticky down there."

"Hmm. I did make rather a mess of you. Let us resolve that first, if it makes you uncomfortable." He stepped back, and guided her into the small cubicle, where he turned on the water. It splashed over his shoulders and ran down him in rivulets that followed his intricate lines of texture.

Tilly stared for a moment, lost in the beauty of him, then quickly pulled her hair into a rough bun. Saru gave her a slightly disappointed look. "It's just there's so much of it, it takes ages to dry," she explained. "And all my shampoo and stuff is still in my bag in the other room."

"Stuff?"

"Shampoo keeps it clean, conditioner keeps it soft, and mousse to keep it from turning into a giant ball of fuzz."

"I had no idea it took so much maintenance."

"If you like, I could show you how. Sometimes it's fun to have someone else help."

"I would like that very much," he said roughly.

She chuckled. "Of course you would. Because you have a big thing for hair."

"I have a big thing for _your_ hair in particular, Say-navu, but the same could be said for any part of you." He pulled her closer and the water ran from his body onto hers. She pulled his head down to kiss him, and then let her lips wander down the curve of his mouth, tongue gently flicking. He gasped and for a second she felt the brush of claws on her back. It did nothing to deter her, quite the opposite. She mouthed at the point of his chin and then carried on down to his neck. There was plenty to explore there, and then she followed a curved string of beads back up towards his ear and hummed into it softly. His fingers tightened again. "Saru," she whispered, keeping her voice barely more than a breath, "you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Just as you are. I need you to know that. So I'm going to show you."

She dragged her lips over the smooth folds of his ear, dipped her tongue into the divot at the highest point, and then slid it slowly down the rough edges. He straightened as she made her way back to his neck, and she found she could just about reach to kiss his collarbone if she stood on tiptoe. It was a beautifully pronounced ridge that swept from over his shoulder all the way to the centre of his chest, where it angled back on itself before merging with the complicated patterns of the chest. It wasn't quite an exoskeleton, but his torso was firm, all tight muscle and sinew working with cartilage to create the elaborate armour that guarded his heart. There was a small point that could almost have been a nipple except it was too pale and too hard. Everything about him was symmetrical, and there was wonder in that balance as she mirrored the path of her mouth with one hand on the other side, a light touch flowing over every hill and a firmer one pressing into every valley.

By the time she sank down to his hips, he was panting, clinging to whatever parts of her he could reach. Her hair was getting caught in the spray of water, but she didn't care anymore. He was beginning to unravel again. Twirls around his hip bones guided her further down, like an ornately engraved Apollo's belt. She knelt and pressed her lips to the overlapping folds from which he would emerge. They were rather like clam shells with their ridges and grooves, firm like the rest of him, but gradually they softened under her touch. She had wondered before how different going down on him would feel, but after her thorough exploration of the rest of him and her growing familiarity with his body, it just felt right. 

She started with gentle kisses, noting how he hissed and shivered, and then swirled her tongue in and out of the grooves. He groaned and pulled her harder against him so she opened wide and sucked at the flesh, rolling her tongue up and down over him. Something moved beneath the surface. She moaned and moved faster, the edges becoming yet more pliable beneath her tongue. There was another press, a writhing, and then a salty wet taste as the layers parted and he emerged like a shoot growing out of the earth. He slithered straight into her mouth and inward, and she pulled back quickly before she gagged.

It was the first time that she had actually seen what he kept in there. It waved in the air like a lost, blind snake and she quickly caught it in her hand where it squirmed desperately. The overall shape of it wasn't that dissimilar to a human's, with a broad round top and long shaft, but it was longer and narrower. And textured. She knew that from experience, but seeing it brought a whole new level of excitement. She rubbed a thumb over the raised rings and a bead of clear blue liquid appeared at the tip.

Saru growled, grabbed her under the arms to lift her and slam their bodies together against the wall. He was squirming into her before she even managed to hook her legs around him.

"Sorry," he gasped, pausing for a moment, resting his forehead on hers.

"Don't be. This is perfect."

"You're perfect. You're… Ungh. I…"

"Shh, it's okay. Go on. No holding back this time. Show me what you need."

He moaned and he began to pump his hips in a quick rhythm. The sharp, deep thrusts were uncomfortable, but judging by his breathing he wouldn't last long. He moved one hand onto her rear and pushed harder still, the other going to her breast and squeezing. She kept herself up with the grip of her thighs, her arms on his shoulders and the pressure of his body pinning her to the wall. His cries intensified and in less than a minute he was coming loudly, holding himself deep as he spilled. He looked so wild and beautiful that she gasped, caught up in the wave of his emotion.

His arms wound around her, holding her tight, catching his breath. She could feel him shifting and expanding inside, shortening and broadening as he molded to her shape. It was satisfying in a way that she'd never experienced before being with him, a physical delight that was part metaphor for the intense intimacy it engendered. They belonged together.

He stepped back, still carrying her, so that they both stood under the running water. Even without the wall, she felt well supported by his arms. His movements were slow now, and fuck, no human male had ever seemed to understand just how incredible slow could be. Granted, the way their bodies were locked together there was no way to move other than slowly, but each gentle, measured thrust put pressure all over, followed by a few moments of ease and anticipation for the next glorious moment of fullness. She curled her spine, finding a little more movement, just a touch more speed.

He was staring intently into her eyes with all the adoration of the universe.

She clung tightly to him as she felt her orgasm building. Muscles clenched and breath came in noisy gasps and then it burst over her, bathing her in bliss. The way he pulsed in response added to the pleasure, dragging it out until she was so serene she could barely hold on. Saru adjusted his grip to compensate, instinct preventing anything from taking her out of his grasp, even gravity.

They stayed like that for several moments, both of them overcome with emotion. Then she leaned forward and kissed him before slowly easing herself back to the ground. "That was incredible," she said quietly.

"It's always incredible," he replied.

She smiled. "Talking already? I must be losing my touch."

"No. It's still… very, very good."

"Awesome." She sighed heavily. "We should get clean."

"Yes. Then food."

"Hungry?"

"Not so much that I cannot attend to you first." He picked up a bar of soap (a small luxury he indulged in as the reusable cleaning pads never seemed to quite get into all the crevices) and managed to roll it between his hands while still keeping his arms around her, then spread the resulting suds over her back. 

Tilly took the soap from him and started washing him. "Makes more sense to do you first."

"Why?"

"Um, because I'm full of your sticky blue stuff. I should give it a minute to, um, empty out. Why blue, anyway?"

He shrugged. "Why not?"

"Fair point." 

They kept washing each other quietly for a while. He was still hanging flaccid and Tilly reached to investigate further under the pretense of cleaning him. She startled when he moved in her hand. He chuckled. "Prehensile, remember?"

"Is this the part where I tell you you're being a dick?"

"Only if I may retort by saying you bring it out of me."

She laughed happily. "I can't believe we're swapping rude puns after sex. I love you so much!"

He kissed her fondly. "I will admit it's not exactly the conversation that I anticipated, but I'm pleased nonetheless."

"Okay, but if you're still using words like 'anticipated' you are nowhere near wrecked enough."

Saru took her face in both hands and spoke seriously. "The fact that I am now able to articulate my thoughts is not an indication that making love to you was any less enjoyable. Quite the contrary. You have just shown me how much you love me, by letting me be free to give in to my instincts without asking for anything in return. You have made me feel beautiful and treasured and, I will be honest, more than a little feral as you put it. To keep experiencing sex at the level of intensity we enjoyed this morning would be unsustainable. And there is something to be said for holding onto my faculties well enough that I can tell you how kind and soft and clever and amazing you truly are, Say-navu."

"Okay," she relented with a smile. "Those are all very good words."

"Also if I am to get to the point where I can make you go non-verbal then I am going to need to exercise more control than I have of late." His hands ran down her body and he slipped one of them between her legs, making her gasp. "But for that, you prefer to be clean, so allow me to assist."

When they finally got out of the shower, Tilly was feeling very refreshed and just aroused enough to be fun without feeling frustrated. Saru glanced at his console on the way past his desk. "Oh, that's strange, there's a message." 

He sat down and pulled Tilly onto his lap to read it. She leaned on his shoulder and kept her eyes averted from the screen.

"It's marked for both of us, from Doctor Culber," he assured her, and she looked back.

_Hey lovebirds! I brought you some dinner but didn't want to interrupt, so it's sitting outside the door. I'll make sure someone brings you breakfast too. Just leave the plates outside so I know that you've both eaten. Have fun, stay well._

"We have real food?" she asked hopefully. When she went to stand up, his hand snapped onto her wrist and prevented her from moving further away. 

"You cannot open the door like that, my dear."

"Computer, is there anyone in the corridor outside this room, or nearby, who would see if I opened the door?"

 _"Negative,"_ came the reply.

He loosened his grip and she slid her hand into his and squeezed it, pulling him towards the door. He waited among the greenery to one side while it hissed open and she grabbed the tray of food and then quickly joined him in the hiding spot as it closed.

"You really just did that, didn't you?" he marvelled, immediately making contact with her again. It had only been a moment, but it was a rather uncomfortable one.

"Well, I wouldn't have if there was anyone there," she laughed. "Come on. I'm suddenly very aware of how hungry I am."

"We can have a picnic," he suggested. They sat on the bed, and keeping one leg touching hers for security, he located the blanket and spread it out to put the food on. There were cheese rolls, pasta salad, some kind of nut bread, a couple of dips with carrots and breadsticks, and two large chocolate chip cookies. There was also a flask full of tea. It looked like a lot of food but they worked their way through most of it with minimal conversation. 

Tilly sighed and leant back against the wall. She let her hair down so that it could start to dry naturally. "So much better. We should probably tell him thank you."

Saru stacked the remains of the meal back on the tray. "Agreed. Shall we call him now before we get distracted again?"

"Good idea. I think he'd like that."

He rolled onto his belly to reach the panel at the side of the bed, and Tilly managed to crawl over and lie beside him without breaking contact once. He put an arm over her back and twirled his fingers in her damp hair. "Saru to Doctor Culber, do you have a moment?"

The response was immediate. _"Culber here. Is everything okay, sir?"_

"Yes. We just wanted to thank you for the food. It was very thoughtful of you."

"And delicious!" Tilly added.

_"Hi, Tilly. You're welcome. To be honest I wasn't expecting to hear from you so soon."_

"It has been a rather busy day, but we felt we should check in and report that all was well."

 _"Thank you,"_ Hugh replied over a muffled sniggering in the background. _"Let me know if there's anything else you need."_

"Thanks, Mom," Tilly said with a grin. 

Saru gave her a quizzical look. 

"Oh, yeah, we've been adopted," she explained. "I forgot to tell you, what with all the fun we've been having."

 _"You do know I can hear you, too, right?"_ Paul's voice came through the panel.

"Hey, if Hugh's our mom, does that make you our dad?"

 _"This conversation is getting strange and disturbing,"_ Paul said bluntly. _"I'm leaving you to it."_

"Sorry, Dad!" Tilly called, laughing.

_"He's gone. He's still getting used to the responsibility of one child, I don't think he's ready for any more."_

"I'm confused," Saru admitted. 

_"We're using the language of familial bonds to express our affection while simultaneously torturing my husband. It's fun."_

"If you say so."

_"But you're both doing okay?"_

"We're both very, very happy," Tilly assured him.

"It has been strange, but also wonderful," Saru said. "Your advice has already proven beneficial. Though I now understand why you insisted on a whole week."

_"At least a week."_

"We may have to postpone Michael's party a few days," she said. "He can't even let go of me long enough to put clothes on."

Hugh laughed. _"It's okay, I don't need all the details. But I'll make sure she knows to wait. I'm glad it's all working out. I'm going to keep sending you food, or maybe see if I can recruit some volunteers to help. If you think you can keep to a schedule, I can leave you something hot tomorrow, but I wasn't sure how long it would be before you realised it was there. Let me know how things pan out in the morning."_

"We will. Thank you for being our awesome mother."

_"Hey, I'm just looking forward to having another couple in a long-term relationship on board. Even if it means I have to mother you. Now stop talking and go have some more sex."_

"Yes, mom. Goodnight!"

"Good evening, Doctor," Saru managed, and ended the call.

Tilly frowned at him. "You okay? You've gone quiet again."

"I thought I had lost my chance at family. First I left my planet behind, then I travelled to the future. Now I suddenly have a wife and apparently a mother. Discovery has been my family in the broader sense, but all at once it seems much more immediate. I am connected. It's… remarkable."

"Are you having a moment?"

"Yes, I believe I am."

She turned onto her side and guided him to snuggle in. "Good. Because I think I'm now having one too."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines day!  
> Lots of snuggles in this bit. And more shagging. ;)

They held each other for a while, but soon the proximity of Tilly's breasts had Saru feeling amorous again. He buried his face between them and hummed in contentment. She stroked the back of his neck with a dirty laugh. "Feeling comfy down there?"

"Yes," he said, his voice muffled. "I believe I have found the most wonderful place in the entire universe."

"Really? The whole universe?"

"I am a wayward planet caught between the gravity of two suns and unable to escape. I am now destined to remain here forever."

"That's surprisingly poetic."

"Now that I have my words back it seems a shame not to make best use of them."

"By waxing poetic about my boobs?"

"Your delightful breasts," he said, turning to kiss one of them. "Your beautiful skin. Your glorious body." He inhaled deeply, his back arching.

"You're getting horny again, aren't you?"

"I am merely following the good doctor's orders."

"Right, because he told us we should have more sex."

"We most certainly should. It's good for my health. It's good for the bond. Also, I want to see just how hard I can make you come."

"I told you, you don't have to put on a performance for me, Saru. I love you just as you are."

"Ninety-four languages."

"What?"

He looked up at her. "In order to try and relate to other races, I learned ninety-three languages in addition to my native tongue. Do you have any idea the level of single-minded obsession that took?"

"More than was healthy, you said."

"Indeed. So when I discovered another way in which I could potentially connect with others, do you think I would put any less effort into my studies?"

"Yes, but you don't have to impress me. Just enjoy being together."

"I know. But this is also a part of who I am. I've been very discreet about it until now, but I very much enjoy sex, even more so with you. And I have put a great deal of effort into learning how to do it well, because the connection I feel when I give someone pleasure is something that transcends language or race. I want to show you how much you mean to me. I want to do my best for you because you deserve nothing less."

She smiled. "That last part I get."

"I will need you to be honest with me. Don't pretend to like something if it doesn't bring you pleasure. Don't be embarrassed to let me see how much you're enjoying yourself either. I'll be paying more attention to your responses, this time. Hopefully now that my immediate urges have been met, l will be able to keep tighter control of my own impulses and focus on you." He rose up on his hands and knees over her, his body swaying with the same hypnotic rhythm with which he walked.

"Why do I get the feeling that I'm about to get super wrecked?"

"Because, Say-navu, I am about to take you apart piece by piece, just so that I can find out how you work."

"Hnngh. O- okay. Carry on."

He crawled backwards, still watching her, and kept going until he was level with her feet. She flinched and giggled as he ran a blunted finger down the length of one sole. He nodded once, then did the same on the other foot, this time with a sharp claw. She still flinched, but the sound she made was not exactly a giggle. He gripped both feet, slowly massaging the undersides with his balls of his thumbs, adjusting the pressure now and then in accordance with her responses. He focussed on one foot and then the other, until he was satisfied that she was completely relaxed. Still watching her face, he bent down and gently kissed and then sucked her toes. As there was no indication she liked it he moved on to her ankles and up her calves. There was a particular spot on the back of her knee that made her gasp when he touched it, so he lingered there and managed to draw out a moan.

Then he sat up, kneeling over her hips, and picked up her hand.

She clearly enjoyed putting her fingers in his mouth, light kisses on her palm, and her wrist was also very sensitive. She shivered when he brushed sharp claws over it and when he eased the resulting pink lines with his tongue. A slightly firmer scratch and she tensed. Not a full masochist, then, just one who enjoyed the allure of the strange, like himself. When he kissed up her arm, she sighed, appreciating the romance, and when he fastened his mouth on her neck she inhaled deeply and let out the air in a moan.

He continued to kiss her there while his hands moved over her body. She began to undulate beneath him, rocking her hips and arching her back. It was easy to get distracted by her breasts but there were other places that made her squirm too- the light touch of a claw at the side of her waist, a firm hand pressed to her hip. Every time she moved or made a happy sound it fuelled his own desires but he fought to keep them at bay. The connection would be so much deeper if he could do this first.

He raised his face and kissed her lips and she seized his head, drawing him in with her tongue. He indulged the need for a few moments, but pulled back as he felt his mind drifting. He searched her face, finding his focus. "My love. I intend to go down on you now. I am going to keep kissing you until you come, and then I will make love to you. Is that agreeable?"

"Yes!" she gasped. "Very agreeable!"

The path he took to get there was deliberately slow. He kissed her in all the sensitive places he had found with his hands, on her breasts and between them, sucking at her nipples and her belly, lips ghosting lightly over her hips. Crawling backwards, he took a detour to her thighs, scratching them gently as he parted them, and kissing slowly nearer to his goal.

She was breathing hard and moaning before he got there. Her scent was making it difficult to think, but he closed his eyes, exhaled slowly and kept going. Her fingers dug into the moss. He nuzzled at the tight ginger curls, relishing the beauty and the strangeness of them in such a place, and then parted them gently with his fingers to touch her with the tip of his tongue.

Tipping the velvet.

Though he disliked the term 'flavour' in conjunction with a person, the sensation of her on his tongue elicited a strong, primal response. It evoked memories of the first time he did this, in that heated rush to find intimacy. He knew his efforts then had been far from clumsy, but he was determined to take more time on her now. So he teased her with small kisses and tiny licks, stretching and flicking and tapping until she was groaning and writhing. And then he put his tongue inside her.

She curled towards his mouth, seeking more, but his tongue wasn't built for depth. He lapped around her opening, going for breadth instead, while his thumb brushed over her clit. When she grasped at his head, fingers tensing on his scalp, he switched it around, licking at her clit and slipping one finger fully inside. She cried out his name and started swearing, and he fastened his lips to give her the suction she desperately needed.

Though his mind had been foggy whenever they made love, he still had an instinctive sense of where to touch her. When she begged for more, he gave it to her, two fingers working together with a circling tongue until she was bucking hard. It was magnificent. Her body was calling out to his own, driving him to the very edge of need, and he held out, knowing how close she was. All she needed was for him to keep doing exactly what he was doing for a little bit longer.

Her body grew increasingly taut, arms and legs straight and tight and five points of intense pressure on the back of his head. Then all at once she screamed and curled inward, heaving and thrashing. He felt the spasms around his fingers and kept them moving, drawing it out even as his own body opened and peaked. He squirmed against his own thigh, needing her, resisting the pull, letting her ride the crest as long as she could because it was so wonderful to see. But as she grew still it was too overpowering. He kissed her all the way up to her face, pressing their bodies tightly together and finding his way inside.

She was still throbbing. 

She placed desperate kisses on his cheeks and lips, clutching him, pulling him in tighter, and now he was the one swearing, bucking, and she tensed and shuddered around him again as a second wave of pleasure overwhelmed her. It pulled the first orgasm from him mercilessly, a loud eruption that tore through him from his very core.

And there they were, joined, looking into each other's eyes as they floated in a moment of ineffable unity. 

He twined a finger in one of her ringlets and pressed deep, the tingling and pulsing as he expanded making him gasp for breath. Tilly seemed breathless too, and she let out a whine that pierced his heart with its purity. When she moved the remains of his wits dissolved into tatters. 

It felt like they were making love forever. All he knew was flesh like moist soil and skin like soft petals and hair like a bright flower. She quickened the pace and then slowed it again, and he was lured ever deeper into the haze.

Then abruptly, she went still. 

"Don't move," she hissed, and blew out a steady breath.

He forced himself to stop, trying to bring his brain back online and assess the situation. "Hurts?" he managed.

"Mm-mm," she shook her head quickly. "Just… too good. Don't want it to be over yet."

He sighed, leaning his head on hers. "Same."

They rested, soaking in each other's love, and then gradually began to move once more. He could tell by the shortening of her breath when she drew close and steadily eased them both to a smooth, strong climax. The pleasure went through her in ripples, making him throb and pulse and he emptied himself in blissful release.

He had no inclination to do anything but continue lying exactly where he was. He felt himself retract, felt her arms tighten around his chest, heard her whisper something unintelligible in his ear. Still super high then. 

His face was buried in her hair, and he turned to look for a cheek to kiss. When he found it, she turned towards him and kissed him back. Her lips moved and some lovely sounds came out, and he had a feeling it was some kind of question.

"Saru?"

"Mmm."

"Are you high?"

"Mmm." He slid slightly to the side and pointed a long arm up at the ceiling.

She giggled. He wasn't sure why, but it was nice, and it made him chuckle too. They both kept laughing until they were breathless. At last Tilly sighed and stroked a finger down the ridge of his cheek. "I love you."

For some reason that made him laugh again. He rearranged himself to rest his head on her belly and curl around her. She sighed happily and stroked him, and he lay there, happily crooning, until they both fell asleep.

***

Tilly woke up with Saru's face hovering near her own. She still felt sleepy, but she put a hand behind his neck and kissed him anyway. He groaned and she pulled back.

"Are you okay?"

"I wasn't sure if I should wake you," he said, his voice rough.

"You're shaking."

"I-" he closed his eyes and breathed solely.

"It's okay. I'm right here. Hold on." She quickly doused herself with lube and made sure the hypo was within reach and guided him to lie on top of her. 

He crawled inside instantly and sighed with relief. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not complaining. Keep going."

It turned out she didn't need the hypo. Being with him was enough. 

***

"Thank you," he said afterwards, lying beside her and playing with her hair.

"You do realise that I'm enjoying this too, right? It's not exactly a chore."

"I am wary that it might become one."

"Nuh-uh. Although my legs are starting to feel the stretch. Maybe next time we spoon?"

“Is that the one when I snuggle up behind you?”

“Yep.”

“I like the sound of that.”

"You could snuggle up to me now, too."

"That sounds even better."

***

They made love in the morning before they even spoke. Saru woke her up with kisses and caresses and she smiled and rocked back against him, inviting. It was lazy, and clingy, and felt just right. She grasped at his hip, and he reached for her belly and then slid his hand lower, making sure they both finished naturally. 

She chuckled as she lay boneless in his arms. "How many orgasms can one person have in a day?"

"I'm not sure, but I think I'm still ahead of you."

"You're designed to have two though. That's just greedy."

"It's still early. We could still manage a few more and within our first twenty-four hours."

She glanced up thoughtfully, counting on her fingers. "We've had sex six times already."

"Is that all?"

"Yeah, but they were all amazing. How do you make me come so much?"

"You phrase that as though it were a new experience for you," he said carefully.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I don't have a huge amount of experience, but it hasn't always been a success, you know? No matter how far humanity gets, there are always gonna be guys who won't take the time to figure out how a woman's body works."

"Lucky for you, I'm not human."

"Very lucky for me. Especially as all your studies have clearly paid off."

"I believe our anatomical differences actually serve us in that regard. It's in my own interests to get the job done, so to speak."

"I'm fairly certain you don't just do it because you have to. As evidenced by the fact that it's a lot higher than a simple one to two ratio."

"Your pleasure is my pleasure."

"I think in your case, it actually is. Plus all of your other fantastic anatomical attributes."

"You have rather magnificent attributes yourself."

They looked at each other for a moment, the tension growing between them. A flick of Saru's eyes served in place of a smile.

"Nuh-uh," she grinned. "We only just finished, you can't want more already."

"What I want and what I am able to achieve may be at odds in this moment. Perhaps we should consider replenishing our energies with some breakfast to help bring them back into alignment."

Tilly glanced at the panel. "Too early. I doubt Doctor Mom has managed to arrange room service yet. We'll have to make do with the protein bars."

"That would be a start."

"Bathroom first? My water's all gone, too. Hey, can you let go of me yet? Not that I need you to. Just out of curiosity."

"I won't know until we try." 

"Okay. So let's try."

He looked at her steadily. "It's not working so far."

"Right," she laughed. "Hang on, I'll get up. Stop me if it gets at all uncomfortable." She sat up and started sliding towards the edge of the bed. He moved one leg to stay in contact as she went. As soon as she stood up out of reach, his stomach knotted and his chest clenched.

"No!" he said, moving swiftly to wrap his arms around her waist again.

She sat back down next to him and he didn't let go. "Okay, we're not trying that again. I'm just going to stay right next to you, and we'll know it's time when you let go naturally."

He sighed. "This is ridiculous."

"Well, yeah, kind of, but it's also kind of adorable, so I don't mind. Hey, you haven't been to the bathroom yet. Do you like only go once a week or something?"

"No. A couple of times a day is usual, but I haven't felt the need."

"Could be dehydration. You need to drink more to compensate for all the extra fluids you're producing."

He nodded. "Will you remind me?"

"Of course. Do you think we should be worried about it?"

"I will drink some more and make an attempt, first. If there's no further progress, we ought to enquire with Doctor Mom."

"Okay, but please don't call him that to his face or I might spontaneously combust," she laughed. Then she looked him up and down. "How…"

"Separate plumbing system," he said. "Not too dissimilar to your own, in fact. I sit."

"I'm so sorry, that was a weird question."

"You would soon have found out anyway. I'm afraid my dependence is making it impossible to keep any sense of mystery in our relationship."

She pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "I think I'll cope. Will you?"

"I'll find a way to bear it. Come on, let us engage in our domestic intimacy."

Tilly encouraged him to drink half a bottle of water slowly, and then refilled it to share with their improvised breakfast. She refilled it again afterwards and they went back to bed. Still tired, they dozed for a while before succumbing to desire once more. She straddled his hips and leaned her hands on his chest, and he managed to stave off the delirium well enough to ensure that she climaxed three times. 

In the end she collapsed onto him and made an inarticulate noise of intense satisfaction. He responded with a contented growl. Or perhaps it was a purr. She offered a couple of questioning vowels and he answered with an affirmative hum.

It was several minutes before she regained the power of speech. "You have got to stop doing that," she sighed.

"Hmm?"

"I mean, that was seriously fantastic, and I appear to have melted into some kind of gelatinous puddle, but… what was my but? Oh yeah. I gotta pace myself. You can't use up all my orgasms in one go like that, you gotta save some for later."

"No. You have… more. So many. Plenty."

"What do you know, you're so high you can barely talk."

At that moment the computer chimed, and Tilly checked the panel. "Mom's left us another message."

"Open."

"He says breakfast is served and to call him at our earliest convenience to sort out what time we want lunch. I'll go pick up the food as soon as I remember how my legs work."

"Hmgh?" he whined, tightening his grip on her.

"Don't worry, you can come too." She lifted her head to kiss him and her curls fell around his face. 

The sound he made then was almost certainly a purr.


	6. Chapter 6

Once breakfast was retrieved (a very unhealthy selection of pastries with fresh fruit and some much needed tea) they put out their picnic blanket and settled on the bed to eat. Tilly tapped the computer panel to call Hugh.

"Now?" Saru asked incredulously.

"Yeah, now. It's almost time for shift change, he'll have to get to work soon. Lieutenant Tilly to Doctor Culber."

_"Hello and good morning. That was fast."_

"You caught us at a good moment."

_"You chose the right time to call back, too. Paul's just left so we can't embarrass him. So how are the newlyweds?"_

"Currently enjoying a most delicious breakfast. Are you responsible for all this sugar?"

_"Oh no. What did Adira leave you?"_

"Pastries. I don't even know the names of half of these."

"Fruit," Saru added.

"Yeah, it's not all bad. There's melon and bananas and strawberries and peaches too. We'll be able to snack on this all day."

_"Saru, are you okay? You're quiet."_

"Yes."

"Sometimes, if it gets too intense, he forgets how to talk afterwards."

Saru picked up a strawberry and threw it at her. She giggled.

_"Interesting. Those must be some pretty potent biochemicals. So I imagine you're going need lunch and dinner dropping off?"_

"Please. I highly doubt we have any chance of leaving the room today, or possibly even tomorrow."

_"Because you're now both slaves to a hyperactive sex drive. Or two. But you're both okay otherwise?"_

"We're fine, stop worrying."

_"It's part worry, part curiosity. I know you're not the first interspecies couple to go through this, but there's not much detailed information available on what to expect. There could be unexpected complications and I want to be as prepared as possible."_

"Water," Saru said.

"Oh yeah," Tilly quickly swallowed her mouthful of flaky croissant. "Saru might be a little dehydrated. I'm making sure he drinks plenty."

_"Dehydrated?"_

"He hasn't peed since yesterday morning."

_"Headaches? Dizziness? Fatigue?"_

Saru put down his slice of melon and took a deep breath to focus. "Headaches, no. Dizzy, possibly, hard to tell. Fatigue, yes, but… busy."

_"You mean it's difficult to tell if it's a side effect of what you're experiencing, or a symptom of anything else."_

"Quite."

_"Hmm. You know what, I'm going to drop off a couple of electrolyte drinks just to be safe, but if there's no change, I may need to come over and see you in person. I don't want to interrupt but you both need to look after your health."_

"Yes, Mother."

Hugh chuckled. _"I'm stuck with that now, aren't I?"_

"I-" Saru began, wanting to explain how long it had been since he had a mother, and how even though he was perfectly capable of looking after himself it was very nice to feel cared for and part of a family again, and that he meant no offense but intended it as a compliment and a term of endearment, but all of those feelings sent a cacophony of signals that left him only with mental static. "I like it," he said simply, and hoped it was enough.

_"Good. Because I'm embracing the role. I'll knock on the door when I drop that off but I won't stay. Lunch will be delivered at thirteen hundred, dinner at nineteen. Michael's already put herself down on the rota. Hopefully I won't see you later. Have a great day. Which I'm sure you will."_

"Thank you," they both said at once, though Tilly's was drawn out longer. She ended the call. 

Saru resumed slurping melon. "Thirsty."

She let the opportunity for innuendo pass, considering the implications might be too similar to being devoured, and poured him a cup of tea with extra salt. "It's nice having breakfast together."

"Yes. Sorry. Words."

"Is this going to be an ongoing thing? Going non-verbal, I mean."

"I hope not," he sighed.

"It's hard on you, isn't it?"

"I like… control. Safety."

"I know. And it means a lot that you trust me with this."

He shook his head. "Not a lot of choice. But… urgh. I chose you. I didn't choose… this," he gestured with splayed fingers at his body.

Their legs were still touching, linked below the knee to satisfy his need for physical contact while they ate, but she moved closer to stroke his face and reassure him. "I can only imagine. It must be very weird to find out your body has this whole way of responding that you never knew about, and then to be so out of control of yourself."

"Vahar'ai was worse. To believe that you are dying, and then to become something else, something unknown…" he paused and she waited, giving him time to order his thoughts. "At least this time I knew what was happening. And disorienting, yes, but not painful."

"You're so strong, Saru. You can get through this. And I'll do whatever I can to make it easier on you."

"Just… patience, with my moments of frustration. And know that I have no regrets." He turned his face and kissed her palm. "Also, the sex is particularly enjoyable."

She laughed. "And you're back."

"I appear to be having dramatic mood swings on top of everything else."

"How about we finish our food and then find something completely different to do?"

"Like what?"

"I dunno."

"Do you play chess?"

"Sort of. Not particularly well. Michael keeps beating me."

"Who taught you?"

"I taught myself at the academy. I thought if I joined a chess club or something I might make some more friends. But it was just too competitive."

"I learned from Captain Georgiou. She used to set me against Michael as a way of settling us after a disagreement."

"Ouch. How did that work out?"

"We have very different styles of play. After some initial frustration, we discovered we were fairly evenly matched. But it's been a long time since we played. I could give you some real lessons, if you like. I don't have a board in here, but I found a program that will project one on the new communicator interface."

"That could be fun, actually. Especially if you can show me how to beat Michael."

Before they had eaten their fill, there was a light tap on the door. They went together to pick up the drinks, dropping them on the bed on the way to retrieve their communicators from the heap of clothes still in the middle of the floor. Saru stopped to fold the clothes up, and Tilly waited with a hand on his back. 

"Is it weird that I don't miss clothes?" she asked.

"It's convenient," he replied. "I think it helps that I keep my quarters warm."

"Also we're keeping each other warm," she said with a smile, curling her arms around his middle. He carefully laid the uniform on top of a table under the window and put the insignias beside it. Then he turned around and ran his hands down the sides of her body and pulled her in for a kiss. It deepened quickly and he pulled her hips against his. She moaned against his lips at the sudden display. 

"Say-navu," he purred. "I'm afraid our chess lesson may have to wait."

"Really? Already?"

"I'm as surprised as you, but the impulse is very strong. I-" 

She kissed him again before he could apologise or ask if she minded, her hands eager on his skin. He hummed approval. "It seems you're just as insatiable as I am."

"You're just so sexy. Every time you touch me, I get turned on."

"But I'm touching you constantly."

"I know. And I'm constantly horny."

He gently guided her through dangling roots towards the space he had created on the back wall, and looked over her longingly before beginning to kiss her in earnest. 

"Holy… shit…" she gasped, clutching at him as he bent towards her neck and kneaded at her breasts. Their bodies pressed together, passions waking once again. It seemed there was no end to their desires, no fear of quenching them no matter how often they tried. Before long, they were both trembling with need. 

"Saru," she whispered breathlessly, a prayer that he was more than happy to answer. "I want you."

"Yes!" 

She turned around and leaned forward, head and hands resting on the wall, and placed her feet wider apart.

"Oh my," he moaned as he realised what she was offering. Very carefully, he stepped between her legs and started rubbing himself on her wet folds. It was hot and inviting and he shuddered as he emerged and entered her. She was high on her toes but he still had to bend his legs. It felt natural though. Right. There was an urge to start pounding into her roughly, but it was a new position so he went exploring first, getting his bearings and discovering how the different angles revealed new spaces within her. She moaned and pushed back against him, wanting more, so he gave in.

The sound her buttocks made as he smacked his hips against them was sublime. Still, he held on and made sure she was thoroughly fucked before he let himself come. It made it all the more powerful when he did, hips stuttering and throat growling and euphoria seeping through his bones.

Tilly gasped and groaned as she felt the stretch, urging him to keep going. It was wild and primal and perfect. She looked over her shoulder and caught him with a feral grimace on his face and it sent a tingling jolt of arousal to her core. He looked stranger than ever, her very own pet monster, his only desire to serve her pleasure.

How had she gone all this time without realising how heterogeneous her sexuality was? Or maybe he was just an anomaly, because she fell in love with his differences when she fell in love with _him._

Right now those differences were hitting her hard in all the right places, and as amazing as that was, she also knew if it went on too long it was going to leave her sore. So she snuck a hand down towards her clit to drive herself quickly over the edge.

Her legs buckled and she cried out, but Saru's firm grip on her hips prevented her from falling. He folded forward over her back as he buried himself deep one last time and shuddered with her. 

It took a long time to catch their breath, but he held her through it. Her head was spinning when she straightened up and he caught her again as she stumbled.

"Too much?" he enquired with a note of concern.

"No. Well, almost. We need to start remembering the lube _before_ I get sore."

He nodded, picked up the communicators and handed them to her, and then swooped her up in his arms. "Which way?"

"What?"

"Bed or bathroom?"

"Oh. Bathroom please."

He let her go first, but she insisted he try again too. The results were minimal, and so she took him straight back to bed and got him to drink half of one of Hugh's medicinal bottles.

"Slowly," she cautioned him. "Now, ready for some chess?"

"Not quite yet."

He reclined and she settled on his shoulder. "Brain still fuzzy?"

"Mmm. A little. I just need to hold you for a while."

"I have absolutely no objections to that."

"I'm still somewhat astonished that this is all really happening. It doesn't seem that long ago that I was pacing this very room, telling myself that the whole idea was preposterous."

She chuckled. "If it wasn't for Hugh being stubborn, you would still be doing that now."

"And what would you be doing?"

"Making heart eyes at you from afar. Dreaming my life away. This is much better, isn't it?"

"Much better." He kissed her hair and drew in a long, slow breath.

"Careful. Don't set yourself off again."

"Hmm. Yes." He raised his head and drank some more. 

She relaxed in his embrace. "If I'm not careful, I'm going to fall asleep again."

"I have no objections to that scenario either. Though I am surprised. I do not make quite such a comfortable pillow as you do."

"You may not be as soft but you still feel good to me."

"You rest then, my love. I'm sure you are going to need it."

***

It was a chaotic day. The intervals between Saru's cravings were much shorter than the day before, though he was going non-verbal less and less. They didn't get very far with the chess because they were both too distracted. 

"I've been thinking," Tilly said over lunch. 

"Well that makes one of us."

"Hugh said that there wasn't much information available on this for interspecies couples. But we're both scientists. We could start recording some observations and maybe share our findings for the benefit of others."

"You want to publish our private life?"

"Not the personal details. Just enough to keep it scientific. But we're fumbling our way through this, and if we could help some other couple do better, don't you think that would be a good thing?"

"In the interests of science, I agree to making some observations, though I would prefer to wait until I have a better grip on reality before deciding what to do with them."

"That sounds fair."

"We should probably keep details of frequency and duration, as much as we are able, along with notes about side effects like the need for physical contact and the risk of dehydration."

Tilly brought an interface on her communicator and began putting in information. "I have no idea about the timelines for day one, so I'm just going to put in a rough idea. You woke me once last night, then very early this morning."

"It was oh-five hundred. I'd been staring at you for ten minutes, waiting for the clock to tick over."

"That's so sweet," she smiled. "Then some rest, once more before breakfast- what time did we call Hugh?"

"He was getting ready for work, so it must have been shortly before eight."

"And three more times since then, but a couple of those were quicker."

"I've taken plenty of water, and my dehydration seems to be improving."

"That's good news." She looked at him. "Do you need to go?"

"Not immediately, but soon. We can finish lunch first. How are you bearing up?"

"I'm a little tired, but I'm used to lack of sleep so I'm sure I'll manage. My thigh muscles are sore, and I keep having to remind myself to drink too. I was expecting to feel more bruised inside by now, but that part's actually doing fine."

"I imagine it helps that I'm not as rigid as a human male. I haven't been consistently gentle with you."

"You've been as gentle as you need to be, and that's appreciated." She took another bite of her sandwich as she tapped in the notes. "You know what, I could write up a short script so a quick computer command could log the timings for us."

"Excellent suggestion."

He watched her work, and admired the detail which she put into the program, setting it to collate the data into a simple graph. "So all we have to do is remember to tell the computer to log active when we start, and log inactive when we're done."

"Wonderful. Computer, log active."

"We haven't even cleared away lunch," she pointed out.

He grabbed the blanket by the corners and dropped the whole lot together on the floor. Then he pushed her down onto the moss and kissed her. 

***

Tilly reviewed her graph later that night. It seemed to be made up of roughly one part "active" to two parts "inactive." Shorter periods of action usually resulted in shorter periods of inaction. A longer connection meant a longer interval. She also noted the more she enjoyed a session herself, the more it seemed to keep Saru satisfied too. Which made sense when she thought about how his biology had evolved to ensure the pleasure of the female partner. It was all about the joining, and giving both partners equal chances to connect and imprint upon each other. For a moment she felt bad that she wasn't Kelpien too, that she couldn't experience the depth of that biological link.

"What's wrong?" Saru asked gently, his face lit with the blue glow from the display. 

She looked at him. "I'm okay."

"Please don't pretend for my sake. I have been watching you very carefully and I can tell that your thoughts are troubling you."

"It's silly."

"Tell me anyway."

"I kind of wish I was going through this with you. Like, experiencing it the same way you are."

"You mean, as you would if you were Kelpien too?"

"Yeah. Doesn't it bother you? Missing out on that?"

"Oh, good heavens, no," he said quickly. "I expect that others involved find it very romantic and enjoyable, but I'm far happier to be going through it with someone who can keep me grounded, remind me to look after my body and my mind as you do. I cannot imagine any other partner collecting scientific data of their honeymoon activities."

"I'm sorry, I'm a total nerd."

"You are remarkable. I admire what you're trying to achieve, and I think it's actually very romantic. We're scientists, as you so rightly pointed out. And this will be a lasting record for us, even if we don't go public. Like a diary, or a love letter."

"How do you always know exactly the right thing to say to reassure me?"

"I am merely stating true facts. You have no reason to be concerned. We belong together now."

"We do."

***

On the third day, Tilly was starting to struggle with exhaustion. She found herself napping even more. Saru watched her sleep with a fond eye, but he missed her companionship. He tried to fight his sexual urges to let her rest but it was hard. She often fell asleep after they made love, and so he was forgetting to drink again. They picked up lunch late and he forced himself to eat what he could, but all he really wanted was to hold her and kiss her and make her come. She took him in her arms after the meal, and it was close and beautiful and she gasped and shuddered as they climaxed together. It sated him for a while, and they even managed a bit of their chess game, but then the distraction overcame him again. They rolled on the moss and she took him inside, and it was so perfect. Her scent, her hair in his face, her weight above him- he came hard. She moaned happily and kept moving. It felt wonderful and it went on and on, slow and intimate, and just what he needed. A few times he thought she was getting close, but the moment passed. Then her face changed, a tighter crease on her brow, a tenseness in the way she bit her lip. He paused. "Are you all right?"

"It's so good," she said, breathing hard. "I'm so close, but it's just not quite there. I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. You're exhausted. Here," he grabbed the hypo from the shelf and offered it to her.

She took it reluctantly. "I really thought we wouldn't need it."

"Nor did I. I'm sorry."

She scoffed, half laugh, half sob. "Not your fault either. I guess my body just has its limits. I'll get some rest, and it'll be better next time, right?"

"Of course." He cupped her face and kissed her. 

She carefully sat up and rocked her hips, easing him back into the moment before she pressed the hypo to her hip. It took effect almost immediately, and she felt the strange, involuntary spasms as three distinct jolts. Saru's body responded, and he let out a small groan with the release.

She bent back down to lie on his chest, stretching her legs along the length of his. "Was that okay?"

"It certainly worked as intended. How was it for you?"

"Weird, but, I dunno, sort of satisfying?"

"Do you think you could get some rest now?"

"Probably. You think you'll be okay if I sleep?"

"I might try sleeping too. With any luck the extra time we spent together should see me through for some time."

"Roll over. You can be my blanket."

"I'll be your blanket if you'll be my pillow."

"Perfect." They swapped positions and she sighed happily. "I love you, Saru."

"I love you too."

***

When he next woke, the lights had dimmed on their automated day and night sequence. A glance at the clock on the panel showed several hours had passed. He must have been exhausted too, but now he could feel the ache of need again. It pulled at his bones and pricked his skin, but he looked at Tilly sleeping so peacefully and resisted. They both needed rest.

The ache deepened, the tingles gradually increased in intensity until he felt hot and raw. His body moved of its own volition, rubbing against her, making her stir in her sleep. No, that wasn't right. He took a deep breath and forced himself up onto his hands and knees and crawled off to one side. His legs were still touching her and kept moving, trying to pull him back on. He disentangled one, and then with a supreme effort of will, moved the other away.

It hurt. His stomach twisted and he felt sick and wrong. He huddled in the corner of the bed, heart pounding, trying to stay quiet. Let her sleep. That was what she needed. But oh, it hurt!

The longer he forced himself to wait, the worse it got. Thoughts drained away. He was aware only of his inner battle, but he forgot the purpose of it. And he was afraid.

***

Tilly woke to a strange sound. She was cold. She sat up, and could just make the twisted and trembling ball hunched in the darkness. "Saru?"

He flinched and curled tighter in on himself. 

"Saru, what's wrong?"

The spines behind his ears flicked out. 

"Computer, lights on!"

He lifted his head and blinked at her. She reached out an open hand, trying not to be threatening. "It's okay. It's me."

He whined and hid again. 

Slowly, she picked up her communicator and called Hugh. She said his name twice before he answered. 

"Tilly?" His voice sounded bleary with sleep. "Is everything okay?"

"No," she choked. 

"I'll be right there. Hold on. Keep talking to me."

"I just woke up and he wasn't next to me. He's just sitting in the corner in a little ball."

"Okay. I've got a medkit, I'm beaming straight over."

"We're not dressed."

"I'm grabbing you a robe. If you want, I can even keep my eyes closed until you put it on."

"Thank you."

He was holding out a blue dressing gown as he appeared, in his own maroon pyjamas, and she put it on quickly. Saru startled at the noise but didn't look up. 

"Okay, I'm ready."

Hugh sat on the edge of the bed. "Will he let you touch him?"

"He flinched when I tried, and the spikes…"

"It's okay. It looks like some kind of panic attack. Have you got a blanket?"

She handed it to him.

"Saru? It's me, Doctor Culber. Hugh. I'm going to come and put this blanket on you." He moved very carefully and laid it over Saru's shoulders. "I know you're not feeling so good right now. I want you to listen because I'm here to help you. The first thing I want you to do for me is take a nice, deep breath, okay? Can you do that?"

Saru gasped, a rough shuddering breath.

"That's good. You're doing really well. Now try again, but slower this time… perfect. We're just going to keep breathing like that for a minute, and you don't need to think about anything else. Just breathe."

Tilly watched, finding herself following the instructions, soothed by the calmness in Hugh's voice. Saru was still shaking, but he seemed to unwind just a little. After a while, the spines retracted.

"Well done. I can see you're feeling calmer now. I'm going to scan you, just to make sure that everything's okay. I'm taking the scanner out now. Listen." He switched it on and it whirred softly. "There. All done." He gave Tilly a small nod to let her know it was going to be okay. "I'm going to give you something to drink, and I want you to sip it slowly, okay? Do you think you can manage that?"

Saru nodded. Tilly breathed a sigh of relief. He took the bottle and sipped. 

"Good. Keep breathing. Tilly's here. She can help you, if you let her."

"Tilly," he breathed, and reached out a hand. She crawled over and grabbed it, and Saru cried out as if in pain. He practically threw himself into her arms and she held him and whispered that it was all going to be okay.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Hugh said softly, adjusting the blanket to keep him covered. 

Saru raised his head, looking at Tilly. "I- you were so tired, love. I wanted to let you sleep. But I- it was difficult, so I moved away, and it hurt, and I got so confused and frightened I…"

"Sh, it's over now. I'm here. It's all okay."

"Make sure he keeps drinking. He's dehydrated again which didn't help. Also his blood sugar is low."

"Oh, we must have slept through dinner," she realised.

Hugh rolled his eyes and went to the door to retrieve the meal which was still sitting outside. "This is past its best. Have you still got any of those protein bars?"

"Yeah, somewhere. I think there may still be a banana or two as well."

"I would offer to go get you another meal but I know if I leave you alone you're probably going to want to start having sex again. Which is good, and I don't want you to try fighting it again Saru, but I need you to eat first."

Tilly located the extra food on one of the bedside shelves and Hugh waited to make sure they ate and drank. "I'm going to let you keep the robe. You both need to look after yourselves better."

"I know. It's just been… very intense," Tilly said.

"I get it, I do. I remember what my honeymoon was like, and that was just two humans. It must be a lot."

"It is. Not in a bad way," she added hurriedly. "Just, a lot. I had to use the hypo you gave me."

He nodded. "That's why it's there. I put ten doses in there, which should be enough, but don't worry if you use them all up, I can give you a refill. How are you holding up otherwise?"

"Tired but happy."

"Sore?"

She blushed. "Not as much as expected. Anatomical differences."

"Saru? Any concerns?"

"Aside from my precarious mental state?"

"You're worried about how this is affecting your mind."

"You saw what happened."

"I did. But it was temporary and we got you through it. And what have you learned from that experience?"

Saru chewed on his protein bar and glared.

"As your medical officer I need to know that you're not going to put yourself in a situation like that again," Hugh said firmly, then heaved a sigh. "As your mother I'm fighting the urge to smack you around the ears for being an idiot and getting yourself in trouble. Answer the question, Saru."

"I have learned that I need to listen to what my body is telling me. And that I will cause more distress to the people I care about if I try to fight my desires or hide my feelings."

"Good. In that case I think I can trust the two of you to keep looking after each other."

"Can I ask you something before you go?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"You seem to be taking the role of mother very seriously, going above and beyond your duties as a doctor. And it's not just us, it's Adira too. I'd like to know why, if that's not too personal."

"It's a tradition among my people," he said with a smile.

"I have not observed such relationships among humans before."

"My people in this case are a specific kind of human. Centuries ago, any romantic relationships outside of the typical one man, one woman model needed for procreation were an anathema. Gender variants were seen as a threat to that ideal too. People like me and Paul and Adira would have been persecuted. During that time, when children were cast out of their homes for what they were, they formed new families with people like themselves. As attitudes changed, and we gained equal rights and fought prejudice, those found family relationships continued to be important to help people understand their differences and learn from each other. Then humans started travelling the stars and some of those old prejudices rose again- humans should only be with humans, it's not right, it's not natural. And my people saw, and we recognised it, and we chose to stand with the xenophiles, and the xenosexuals, and the interspecies couples, and we helped them get marital rights and medical care and with time, even respect. But we will always be the romantic minorities, so we look out for each other, and we support each other. Because love comes in all the colours of the rainbow and beyond."

Tilly wiped at her eyes. "That's… ah, screw it!" She caught him in a one-armed hug. The other was still holding hands with Saru. 

Hugh hugged her back. "Welcome to the queer community." When she let go, he looked at Saru. "The question is, how did you get this far without knowing this?"

"I always believed that being xenosexual was a by-product of my situation. It wasn't something I spent much time thinking about. I was aware that there was some kind of community but never felt like I was part of it."

Tilly tilted her head and let her hair run over his bare shoulder. He crooned. "If that's not xenophilia I don't know what is," she said. "We're part of it."

"And I think that's my cue to get out of here. But I will keep checking in." He put a hand on each of their shoulders and gave a gentle squeeze. 

Saru shook his head. "My people do it like this," he said, placing his hands on Hugh's upper arms and leaning their foreheads together. "Thank you, Mother."

Hugh smiled, and repeated the gesture with Tilly, then picked up his kit and stood. "Have fun, kids."

They waved goodbye and he beamed out.

Saru turned to Tilly, threw off the blanket and kissed her, tugging away the robe. "I need you," he gasped.

"I know. And I'm right here."

He took his time worshipping every curve of her, relishing the thrill of anticipation and the way the renewed contact made his skin sing. When they made love, his face in her hair and her back to his chest, he made sure she had her own climax before he came and locked them together. It made them slow and languid.

"Saru?"

"Yes?" His words weren't slipping away completely, but his grip on them was loose.

"Can we just stay like this? Would that be good for you?"

"How long?"

"I thought, maybe, we could just stay, and maybe sleep, and then wake up still all joined together."

"Hmmm. Yes. Please."

"I love you."

His answer was a most contented croon.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up with an extra chapter, so now this is seven of nine. Lol.
> 
> Thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos, they keep me going!

Tilly woke up with the fullness of Saru still inside her. It didn't appear to have lessened much while they slept. She could feel his hooves when she stretched her toes, and he had one arm thrown over her waist. He was still fast asleep.

She carefully ran a finger over the hand in front of her, taking a moment to examine it closely. The dark claws extended out the tips of his fingers, not the front like human nails. The first two of them were now filled down completely smooth, just for her. She wondered how long he intended to keep them like that. The ridges over his fingers and knuckles always reminded her of a string of tiny beads. She loved the feel of them, a distinct pattern that let her know the hand she was holding was his, even without looking. They flowed together and up his arm in a configuration similar to veins, and then disappeared under the deeper patterns of texture on his forearm. The small, peaked, segmented ridges formed a line down the centre that gradually flattened out into a compressed row of tesselating v's. Larger segments ran along the top side, like pointed, overlapping leaves, or perhaps large scales. A similar but less distinct form mirrored them on the underside. She thought of dragon scales and felt a tremor run through her.

In between the veins on the back of his hand there was more detail- a roughness to the skin that was easier to feel than to see, making the spaces into rippling lakes. Tucked alongside the ridge that ran from his first finger were four deep impressions, dark caves in the miniature landscape. He was so beautifully intricate that she was in awe. Humans were so flat and boring in comparison. And it wasn't just because he was Kelpien, she'd seen pictures of other Kelpiens, she'd met Su'kal, but none of them were as beautiful as Saru. He had an elegance and poise that were as unique to him as the perfection of the lines of his face.

Her mind went back to last night, to the fear she felt when he recoiled from her. It had been hard to see him in so much distress, especially knowing it was their bond that was the cause. But then he had come back to her and now she knew more than ever that they belonged to each other. 

She took hold of his hand and brought it to her lips, sighing at the pure joy of simply being with him. He stirred behind her and hummed a contented sound that turned into a chuckle as he shifted his hips.

"Good morning, husband," she greeted him, turning her head towards him with a smile.

"Good morning, wife," he replied and leaned over to kiss her. She pushed her hips back and they started moving slowly together.

"How are you feeling this morning?" she asked.

"Wonderful. I can't think of a better way to wake up than just like this, with you."

"Last night-"

"Last night is over. You took care of me. Now let me take care of you."

He took her steadily towards her peak, whispering in her ear, making sure she understood exactly how much he treasured her. She came with a drawn-out moan, writhing and bathed in love. He released with a quiet breath, carried on her waves.

They lay there for several moments, just floating.

"We forgot to log that one, didn't we?" Saru said suddenly.

Tilly laughed. "That's okay, it would have completely messed up the data. I'll put it in manually."

The door chimed.

"And that will be breakfast. Good timing," she said happily.

Saru sat up slowly. There was another tone from the door, and Michael's voice came through. "I've been instructed to make sure you get this before I leave. Get some clothes on and open the door."

"Just a moment," Tilly called, then swore under her breath. 

Saru grabbed the blue robe and slipped it on. He kissed her cheek and stood up.

"Woah! You're not touching me!" she said in surprise. 

He paused, as if just noticing, and then took another tentative step away. "Hmm. Now that you mentioned it, it does feel rather strange."

She wrapped the blanket under her arms and carefully climbed down the bed after him, taking his outstretched hand. "Better?"

"Yes, thank you."

They opened the door and Michael looked at them, lips pressed together in a suppressed smile. "Well. I suppose that's one definition of clothes." 

"It's complicated," Tilly said. "Sorry."

"Well," Michael said again, "you look… happy. Just make sure you eat. Doctor Culber said you missed dinner last night."

"We were asleep," Saru told her, as if that made it better.

"Right. Do you want me to bring an extra bathrobe next time?"

"Good idea," Tilly said. "Thank you." She let go of Saru's hand and touched his arm instead. 

He took the tray from Michael. "Yes. Thank you, Michael."

She looked from one to the other and then laughed and caught Tilly in a hug. Tilly yelped in surprise and had no way to return it without dropping the blanket or letting go of Saru. She pressed her cheek to Michael's instead.

"Congratulations," Michael said and then let go.

"Thanks. We should probably um…"

"Yes! Go eat. I'll see you soon." She nodded and walked off down the hallway. Tilly and Saru took the food back to bed.

"Blanket, please," he prompted.

"You just want me naked again."

"It's an added bonus, but my main concern is how difficult it is to get the crumbs out of the moss."

She let the blanket fall slowly and deliberately, and then bent over to throw it over the bed. Saru's breath caught for a moment, then he shook his head and set down the tray. "And here I was thinking you were struggling to keep up with me."

"I don't know what you mean," she said innocently, lying down on her side with her head propped on her fist like she was posing for someone to paint her.

He sighed heavily and lay down perpendicular to her, his head near hers. He plucked at a lock of hair that dangled in front of her face and piled it back on her head. "How does it get like that?"

"Like what?"

"It's like it's growing wild."

"Oh, shit, is it everywhere? I've just spoken to Michael with sex hair, haven't I?"

"It's stunning."

"It's been neglected. I'll sort it out after breakfast."

"Can I watch?"

"You can help."

They ate everything on the tray with a keen appetite, and then tidied it all away. She took what she needed from the bag and the hypo and lube just in case- not that she was expecting anything to happen so soon after their start to the day, but she knew better than to rule it out completely. 

They'd been through the bathroom routine enough times now that neither of them were bothered by it anymore. Once in the shower, she helped him with the rituals he used to keep every crease and crevice clean, lathering all over and then rinsing thoroughly. Then he held the shower over her head, and let the water soak her hair. It went darker when it was wet. She poured a small amount of shampoo into his hand and told him how to rub it into her hair. He marvelled at the amount of bubbles and the way it felt on his fingers. She added a bit more to the ends, piling it all up together. 

"This is the most peculiar sensation," he said as he worked at her scalp. "And you look very different."

"Oh, you know what? We should make sculptures!"

"Sculptures?"

"I haven't done that in ages. It's something you do as a kid. Look," she pushed it all up into two horns, which promptly drooped down over her face. They both laughed. He scraped it up into a mohawk which also slowly fell to one side.

"It works better with shorter hair, mine's much too long for this."

"I have an idea," he said, piling it back up and then pulling out a few tendrils behind her ears. "Now you're Kelpien."

She touched it tentatively and laughed. "Does it suit me?"

"Not at all, you look ridiculous. I much prefer you as a human." 

"Good." She stepped back under the water to rinse out her hair. He stood staring at her for a moment, a peculiar look in his eyes.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, it's just…"

"Tell me."

"You said it was something children do. And it made me wonder about the possibility… that's all."

She looked up at him. "You're wondering if our kids would have hair or feet or claws or textures?"

"You're thinking the same thing?"

"I wonder, that's all. And I think you would be an amazing dad, and although I’m not against the idea in theory, I’m not sure how it would work out. Especially with the universe falling apart like it is, and our lives being so dangerous, and I don't know if it would be fair on them."

"I understand. And I agree, we're not in the right position to consider it now. But the fact that it could happen, five years, ten years from now, if the universe is willing and things ever settle down…"

"Maybe. We’ll see. I still want to be a captain one day."

"I respect that ambition too."

"But we're still working on ways to replicate the spore drive. If we figure it out, it changes everything. No more months of travelling to distant stars. We could both pop off for different missions and be back in time for dinner."

"That… does sound like a more agreeable scenario than… otherwise."

She pulled him closer. "I'm not leaving you, dummy. Ever. We're both super smart and I'm sure we can figure out how to have everything we want. But right now, the only thing you need to worry about is learning how to look after my hair."

He nodded. "Very well. What's next?"

"Conditioner. Stops it getting all tangly and knotted together." He held out his hand and she poured some in. "You spread it like this."

It felt slick beneath his fingers, and he combed it through with his claws. Tilly hummed. "That feels really nice." She let him carry on for a few minutes and then rinsed it out. "That's the shower part done. Now I just need to dry it and tame it."

They turned off the water and helped rubbed each other dry. She showed him how she wrapped her hair in a towel to squeeze out most of the water and gave it a gentle rub. Then they gathered up their belongings and took them back to bed. Saru ran his hands over the moss with a disapproving eye. "I'm not the only one who's getting dehydrated. I have been failing to keep up my watering schedule."

"We can do that next. I'll help."

He helped her comb yet more product through her hair until she was all but melting with the attention. They paused to make out for a while, but remarkably it didn't lead anywhere. Not that either of them minded, it was nice to be able to relax without being chased by need. 

Saru took her with him and they filled up the plant mister and the watering can, and he showed her how to water the bed. 

"I wondered if you had some secret irrigation system hooked up underneath," she admitted.

"An interesting idea, but unlike other plants, the moss takes in water from above, not below. I usually spray the bed when I get up in the morning, and then do the floor last thing at night. I maintain the humidity a little higher in here, so it doesn't need watering every day, but I've been rather neglectful and it's overdue. Look, you can see it responding already."

She compared the end of the bed where they started to the side yet to be watered, and could see that it was indeed paler where it was dry. "Wow, that's incredible!"

"We'll need to stay off it while it soaks up for a while."

They made their way around the room, and she listened carefully to all the instructions about which plants needed what. The more she listened, the more detail he went into, describing their natural habitats and how they grew, reproduced and flowered. He spoke with such passion and enthusiasm about seeds and shoots, earth and light, that she couldn't help but smile and be drawn in. And she enjoyed the knowledge for its own sake, simply because it was good to learn new things.

Encouraged by her enthusiasm, he asked if she would like to help him rehome one of the plants. "This young fellow is looking a bit too big for his pot. I have a larger one somewhere."

The careful tenderness with which he handled the fragile thing made her heart skip. She followed his example and, with guidance, put it in its new home. 

She also noticed that although they were standing very close, they weren't touching continuously. She had grown so used to the need to stay in contact that she had been reaching for him as they had done the watering, touching his arm or his back when his hands were busy. Perhaps, now that their attention was so focussed on the same task it provided some kind of intellectual link, or perhaps the bonding was just running its course. The trouble was, now that she had conditioned herself to contact, she missed it too. She stood closer, and let her hip brush on his thigh, and together they both sighed with relief.

"And to think that I was expecting to be back at work by this point," Saru said with a shake of his head. "Although the instincts are easing, the idea of being more than a few feet apart is still disconcerting."

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't like the idea of being too far away from you either. And I don't even have a biological thing screwing with my instincts."

"It helps to know that the feeling is mutual and you're not doing this out of any sense of obligation." He gently patted the soil and poured on a little more water.

She frowned in confusion. "Obligation? What makes you say that?"

"I have been experiencing a level of need for intimacy far above what is considered normal for your species. I know that it has been physically taxing for you."

"Yeah, but- I've been enjoying it. A lot."

"Not always."

"Is this because I had to use the hypo yesterday?"

"I pushed you too far."

She reached out and took his hands, turning him away from the table to face her. "You did not push me too far. If at any point I felt like I didn't want to make love to you, or even if I wasn't ready, I promise I would say something. Being with you is amazing. And not just because of all the mind-blowing orgasms you keep giving me, but because you're you, and I love you, and being close to you- physically and emotionally- is special. And yeah, your sex drive has been way up there, but sweetheart, trust me, that's a good thing."

He leaned his forehead on hers, and sighed. "Thank you for the reassurance. And I love you too."

She curled her fingers on the back of his neck, caressing each bump and the lines between them. Then she pulled him in for a kiss that left him breathless. “Computer, log active,” she instructed.

He chuckled. “Still wanting more?”

“Obviously.”

“My hands are dirty.”

“Mine too."

"We should go wash up."

"Why?"

"Because, my love, you are supposed to be lubing up first, which could present us with some difficulty in our current condition. Also, I don't know how long I will be able to resist putting my hands in your hair, and we have put so much effort into getting it clean."

"Fine, we'll go wash our hands. But then I want you to do the thing."

"The thing being sex?"

"Sex is one thing," she explained as she led the way to the sink, still holding hands but taking small steps to avoid pulling him off balance and having her feet trampled. "I'm thinking of a specific kind of sex thing."

"Intriguing. Which one?" Their bodies pressed together as he reached around her to put his hands in the water. Her hair, much drier now, tickled his chest.

"There's a certain way that you move. Inside. It feels fucking amazing."

 _"You_ feel amazing. It makes me want to explore."

"Surely you should know your way around by now," she teased. 

"I have spent considerable time visiting. But unfortunately, I have been impeded somewhat by the confusing effect you have on my brain. When one is so overwhelmed by sensation, it's difficult to pick out any one particular element."

"What was it like? That first time?"

He took her hands in his own, a gentle claw helping to clean out under her fingernails. "There are words for it. Euphoria. Bliss. But they don't quite convey how deep it goes. I could feel our love like a physical presence. I was swimming in it, drowning in it. In you. I know that technically it was a biologically induced state, brought on by chemical reactions, but it felt, for lack of better phrase, deeply spiritual."

"That's… wow. I mean, I know it was intense, but that's…" she sighed. "You know, it could be spiritual. We've seen evidence that souls are more than just a jumbled up mess of feelings. Sarek had a profound soul link with Michael, able to connect to each other across space. And something of Tal's previous hosts remain alive in Adira. I might need to do some research. And maybe a few experiments."

"What kind of experiments?"

"Nothing that would endanger our bond. But there's something about our link. I feel differently with you, like it's more than just being in love. The bond doesn't feel as one-sided as I thought it would. Humans have believed in souls throughout history, but we've never found a way to access and understand them like the Vulcans do. If we could learn to tap into that, the possibilities would be…" her eyes caught his in the mirror, "infinite."

He inhaled deeply and nuzzled through her hair to her ear. "I would happily be your test subject in such an endeavor. We should begin by exploring how deeply we can connect our souls."

"You just want an excuse to have sex again."

"I do not need an excuse. I already know that you want me." He bent his knees and rubbed his entire body on her back, and she moaned softly to prove him right.

"I really do."

"And it would be relevant to see how our emotional connection develops with high levels of physical pleasure." He shook the drips from his hands and ran them lightly up her sides and over the curve of her belly.

She shivered, holding onto the sink unit and rising up on her toes. "Well, if it's for science…"

He moved her hair aside and kissed her neck, and she reached back to rub him until he softened and opened. Her finger slipped under one of the unfolding petals as he emerged, finding the slick, hollow inner pocket where he kept his genitals. There was more of his length inside, throbbing at her touch. His grip on her tightened and he growled. She withdrew her finger quickly.

"Sorry! Did that hurt?"

He shook his head, panting. "No. In fact it was a most unexpected pleasure."

She gave his reflection a sly smile. "Want me to do it again?"

"Another time," he suggested, grabbing the lube and spreading it over himself. He quickly applied some to her too. "I need to be inside you, now."

"Do it."

They both groaned as he slid in. Tilly gripped the sink, and Saru held her waist. He gave a few gentle thrusts as he caught his breath, then moved his lips next to her ear and whispered.

"So, the _thing_ you wanted me to do. Was it something like this?" 

The way he moved was like a finger circling inside, brushing lightly at first, teasing. Her hips rolled and she let out a satisfied moan. "Mm-hm. That's- oh!" 

He pressed the tip more firmly, dragging it around, his breath catching in her ear. "You feel wonderful to me, too. Warm and wet and inviting. Your body is perfect, inside and out." His hand moved over her belly and squeezed it with a sigh. "You are exceptionally beautiful, my love. A bright star among your species. I am honoured to be paired with you, to give myself to be wholly yours, and to claim you as mine."

It wasn't just the tip circling anymore, he was somehow undulating his entire length, still pressing firm and deep, but wriggling in a regular pattern that swept over all sorts of interesting places again and again. He just kept going until she was gasping. When he finally began to move his hips again, it turned the circles into spirals and pushed the pleasure to new heights. She slammed her hand down flat on the unit in front of her and let herself be as loud as her body demanded. It only made him work harder, grunting with the effort of each thrust. When she looked up to see his face in the mirror, he was watching her intensely, open mouthed and wide eyed. She held his gaze, noting every twitch of muscle that indicated he was getting closer to the edge. She was right there with him, tightening, legs quivering, almost there.

Suddenly he cried out and ground to a halt- at least his hips stopped moving, but he was still thrashing around inside as he spilled. He grabbed her hips and started thrusting again even as he grew to fill her, and it was rough and desperate and just what she needed. Her cries rose in pitch and just as she felt like she was going to break apart with the pressure, it burst into tremors and spasms and warmth and pure joy. Saru held her as her legs gave way, and buried his face in her hair as the second climax took him. She was still wallowing in waves of pleasure when he was done, and he teased it out a little longer before he withdrew.

"Computer, log inactive," she panted, and then turned in Saru's arms to lean on his chest. _"Fuck, I love you."_

He kissed the top of her head and inhaled deeply. "Hypothesis confirmed."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's party time!

"It feels weird putting on clothes again," Tilly noted, adjusting the shoulders on the dress Michael had brought over for the party. It was a short A-line with a bold, floral pattern and chiffon sleeves. It felt like a proper party dress, in keeping with the fashions they'd left in the past. She wore it with a pair of high heeled white boots which did a little to make up for the height difference. 

"We have been completely naked for the best part of a week. It will take some getting used to." Saru stood in a pair of black dress pants that flared slightly where they covered the tops of his boots, and an unbuttoned white shirt. Suits, it seemed, were a fashion that came around time and again. He stared at his reflection as if unsure he liked what he was seeing.

"At least it's not uniform," she said.

"I might prefer uniform. For me, at least. You look rather ravishing."

"Thank you," she smiled, dropping a little curtsy and then turning him towards her so she could help with the buttons. "But tonight is our special party, and if you wear your uniform it's just going to make you feel all captainy, and everyone else will start feeling like they're supposed to be on duty when they're not."

He reached to touch her hair. She had clipped it up above her ear so that it all tumbled over to one side. "True. And that will be a great benefit when I am allowed back on duty. But tonight is going to be a different kind of challenge."

She chuckled to herself. "A 'keeping your pants on' challenge?"

"Indeed. The longest we have managed to go without, while awake, is four hours and seven minutes. Taking into account how long we have spent getting ready, that leaves less than three and a half hours. And that's the best case scenario."

She cupped his face and looked into his eyes. "It's going to be fine. Once we're there with other things to keep you busy it should get easier. And we've got our personal transporters if it gets too much."

"Are you suggesting we beam out of our own party to have sex?"

A sly grin spread across her face. "Well, we'd have to be discreet about it, obviously."

He huffed a breathy laugh and reached to pick his jacket from the bed, putting it on and clipping it shut where it wrapped around. It was black and long, coming halfway to his knees, and closely fitted. It emphasised all his elegant attributes in a way that had Tilly biting her lip.

"We are not going to make it through the night," she said. 

***

There were cheers and raised glasses when they walked into the mess hall. It had been decorated with brightly coloured streamers and there were tablecloths and bouquets of flowers in rainbow colours. 

Michael was the first to hug Tilly, giving her a definite smirk and a glass of synthale before everyone else wanted a turn. Hugh was second in line. There were congratulations and compliments and more hugs, and it was more attention all at once than she'd ever received in her life. She was lost in the thrill of that feeling for a few minutes until her mind wandered back to Saru, worried that she had been swept away and left him alone on the sidelines. When she turned to look for him, he was still within arm's reach, and sipping on something green from a tall glass. Book was chatting to him excitedly, possibly about another cat video, and he seemed surprisingly happy. So she talked with the other women and asked what everyone had been up to for the past week. 

"Mostly we've been running errands," Keyla told her. "I think if we're not careful Discovery is just going to end up the Federation's delivery service."

"More likely Admiral Vance is just testing to see if I've learnt to shut up and follow orders," Michael said. 

"Have you learnt to do that?" Tilly teased.

"It's a work in progress. Don't tell me you missed all the black alerts?"

"There were black alerts?" she asked with feigned innocence. 

"Have you seriously not left that room all week?" Owo asked.

Tilly shook her head and sipped her ale. "Mm-mm. And trust me, you do not want to start thinking too hard about that."

Keyla's eyes flicked over to Saru and back again. "You're right, I really don't."

Tilly followed her gaze, but her eyes lingered a little longer and she felt the heat rise in her cheeks.

Owo laughed. "Well, if you're still giving him looks like that after a week alone together, he must be doing something right."

Tilly wasn't sure how to answer, and threw out a few non-committal vowels, but she couldn't help but grin. Saru chose that moment to step over and everyone tried to look more sober. He reached for Tilly's hand and she gave it quickly.

"So I guess you'll be wanting your ship back soon?" Michael asked, breaking the awkward silence before it could begin.

"Soon, but not immediately," he replied. "Although I have to ask who's left on the bridge? Everyone seems to be here."

"Oh, the Admiral's keeping the chair warm with a few of his people so we could all be here. And half of us are on call in case anything unexpected comes up. Relax. Enjoy your party."

"Admiral Vance?"

"He's probably secretly thrilled at the chance to be sitting on the bridge of a starship feeling nostalgic," Adira said. "But don't tell him I said that, I might get in trouble."

"Hey, where did your dads go?" Tilly asked.

"Oh, probably fussing over the buffet. They've been fussing over everything all afternoon."

She turned to Michael. "I thought you were in charge of the party?" 

"I planned, I delegated. You know what a perfectionist Stamets is."

"It does look pretty amazing," she mused, looking around. 

"I appreciate the theme," Saru agreed.

"The colour?"

"The blending of cultures. The bouquets have flowers from both Earth and Kaminar. And I can smell both human and Kelpien food."

"Wow, that's perfect! I need a closer look." They walked to the tables and admired the colourful bouquet. Tilly recognised roses, lilies, dahlia and orchids mixed with the Fredalia, as well as others she had never seen before- tall yellow ones, broad purple ones, and a few that were pink and fluffy. She knew her namesake as soon as she saw it by its vibrant hue. She pulled it from the bunch and held it up. "Orange, right?"

"Yes."

"It's beautiful."

"As are you, Say-navu." He took it from her hand and tucked it behind her ear.

"Are you picking apart my carefully balanced bouquets?" Paul asked, appearing on the other side of the table with his husband. 

"She's the bride, love, she's allowed," Hugh pointed out. 

Paul frowned, pulled out a purple rose, and, borrowing a pin from one of the colourful decorations, attached it to Saru's jacket. "There. Equilibrium has been restored."

"Thank you," Saru nodded. "I must say that you have done a most impressive job. Where did you get the flowers?"

"I'm afraid to say they're replicated. I thought about jumping us all around the universe to collect live ones, but apparently there are restrictions on that kind of thing these days."

Tilly could tell by the way Saru inclined his head that he was genuinely amused, but neither of the others were that tuned in to his expressions. She chuckled. "It still looks amazing. And that food smells incredible. When do we eat?"

"Soon," Hugh promised. "How would you feel about making a short speech first? Just to give everyone a sense of ceremony."

"A public declaration may not be required legally, but it might make it feel more official," Saru said thoughtfully. "And I do not wish to ignore your customs, either, my dear."

"I don't feel the need for it personally, because you already know my intentions. But I can see how it would help people see us as properly married."

Paul scoffed. "Hugh, where did we go wrong? I mean, I know we're all scientists, but our children have absolutely no sense of romance."

Saru gave him another indecipherable look. "We have our own kind of romance."

"And I'm sure that it's totally adorable. But this is a chance to do something public so that we can all celebrate with you."

"Very well. I think I can come up with something." He raised his voice. "If I might have everyone's attention."

The room went quiet and all faces turned towards them.

"I would like to thank you all for coming this evening to share in our time of great joy. There is so much that we have all left behind, but now is the time for us to look forward. And this is my future." 

He turned to Tilly and took her hands. Her stomach fluttered with nerves, but she took a deep breath and let herself feel it without letting it control her. His grip was firm and soothing. This was their moment. 

"With you, Lieutenant Sylvia Tilly. My chosen companion. I promise to live in partnership with you, with respect and trust and love, wherever our journey takes us."

The fluttering shifted upward from her belly to her heart at his words.

"Saru. My friend, my teacher, my captain. You believed in me and helped me believe in myself. My future is with you, and wherever that journey takes us, I promise that we will make it together. Always."

They stood gazing at each other, star struck. Hugh leaned towards them before the moment stretched out too long. "Congratulations. I believe it's customary to kiss now."

Saru pulled Tilly closer and bent to kiss her, keeping it chaste but meaningful, trying desperately to ignore the pull of her scent and focussing on the fact that the entire crew were watching. Tilly seemed to understand and didn't make any attempt to deepen the kiss, though her thumb traced a ridge on his finger.

There was another cheer and more applause, and then most of the bridge crew and half of engineering were gathered round them throwing confetti. It caught like blossoms in Tilly's curls. Saru thought about trying to pluck it out, but it seemed like too intimate a gesture for a moment when his emotions and hormones were suddenly running rampant. Besides, it suited her; she was his flower, after all.

She reached up and stroked his cheek with a smile that melted his heart with its simple adoration. The yearning grew stronger. They had been out less than an hour and he was already struggling. It was too much. He had no idea how he was ever going to get over this. 

Tilly's hand left his cheek and the crowd started to disperse. People started talking again, wishing them congratulations before stepping aside. Saru blinked and looked around, the reality of where he was reasserting itself. 

Hugh was at his side, frowning. "Are you… okay?"

"I will be fine. It's just…" he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 

"Saru?" Tilly gave him an equally concerned look.

"I just need to think about something else."

"Oh," she nodded. "That. I thought it was just me."

"I am beginning to wonder if we will ever get back to normal."

"Of course you will," Hugh assured him. "It might just take a bit longer. I'll see what I can find out, it could be a complication because of biochemical differences."

"Shall we, um, food?" Paul suggested, catching on to the undertones of conversation and needing to change it quickly. He pointed a thumb at the buffet.

"Yes!" Saru agreed with enthusiasm. 

There was plenty to choose from and they all filled plates and took them back to a round table. Saru took a mini-cupcake from his plate and put it on Tilly's. She grinned up at him and gave him a seaweed wrapped sushi roll from her own plate. He picked it up and ate it straight away.

"Okay, is that part of your romance thing?" Paul asked.

"Yeah," Tilly said, still smiling. "Sharing food is Kelpien flirting. That's how Saru figured out that he liked me."

"Because you gave him food?"

"I gave her food. At this very table. I did it without thinking, and only realised the significance after the fact."

"It's kind of like a reminder of our first date, but _pre_ first date."

"So that would be the equivalent of Hugh's tuneless humming then?"

"Hey, it got your attention, didn't it?"

They all laughed as Adira walked up with an extra chair. "Budge over," they said. There was some shuffling and room was made. "So, we finally got the whole family together?"

Hugh positively beamed at them. "Yes, we did."

"Okay, but you warn me before you take in any more waifs and strays because we've already got our hands full," Paul pleaded.

"Don't worry, our new additions shouldn't need too much looking after once the honeymoon's over. At least not until they decide to start reproducing."

Tilly and Saru both glared at him. 

"We are not currently planning-"

"I told you, that's not-"

"I am no way old enough to even think about being a grandparent," Paul objected, interrupting them.

"See?" Tilly said. "None of us are ready. Stop pushing babies on us."

"Fine, but I'm keeping up to date with the research just in case."

They all got up as soon as they'd finished eating because there weren't nearly enough chairs for everyone. They replenished their drinks and mingled, and Saru tried to keep it as informal as he could. It helped having Tilly at his side, as she always helped him feel more relaxed, and if people saw his arm around her it seemed to put them more at ease. As some of the crew left early to resume their shifts and the room grew less crowded, Michael instructed the computer to "begin party sequence beta." The lights dimmed to an amber glow and the music increased in volume, playing a slow orchestral piece. 

Tilly, feeling a little bold, looked up at Saru and offered him a hand. "Will you do me the honour of this dance?"

He nodded, his eyes fixed on her as she led him into a space. Technically, he knew how to dance. It was one of the things he had learnt long ago, when he was focussed on making a good impression. But he had never had the opportunity to dance like this, with someone so dear to him. It wasn't exactly like he expected. The steps were all forgotten and they just swayed, her arms around his neck, his hands on her waist, gazing into each other's eyes. It didn't matter that people were watching. Her body was close and warm. After a while, she leaned her head on his chest and the scent of her hair filled his nostrils. As he wrapped his arms around her, he felt the longing stir in his belly. He regarded the feeling with objectivity, acknowledged it but kept it at bay. It was good. Dancing like this was good.

Looking around, he noticed they were no longer alone. Hugh and Paul, Michael and Book, and a few other pairs had joined in the ritual. Even Adira swayed, hands on their own shoulders, as if held by their invisible partner. Saru made a mental note to schedule more time for the family to work on getting Grey visible again.

The piece of music ended and something more upbeat came on, and Tilly smiled up at him.

"We may have to think about leaving soon," he told her.

"I figured as much. But it's been a wonderful party."

"It has. We should make one more brief round to thank people and say farewell."

"Okay, but keep it brief. I don't want you to hurt yourself again."

They moved quickly through the crowd, exchanging greetings and well wishes, and then met with their new found family.

Hugh hugged Tilly, and then pulled Saru's shoulders down to touch their foreheads together. "I'll stop by tomorrow to give you a proper medical exam and review your progress."

"I-"

"No arguments. You're shaking. You need to learn better self-care."

"Yes, Mother."

Hugh smiled and let go. Adira was waiting, and pushed a chair in front of Saru to stand on and greeted him in the same way. "We're siblings now. But I don't expect special treatment."

"I may end up giving it, in spite of my better judgement."

They laughed and wobbled as they got down. Saru caught them before they fell, but the sudden movement made his head spin. He looked at Paul, who was still hugging Tilly. Saru touched his shoulder. 

He smiled, let her go and touched foreheads with Saru. "Just don't start calling me dad, okay? Tilly can get away with it, but you're my captain."

"Of course not. I think things are complicated enough."

"But we're still family. We're here for you."

"Likewise."

They parted, and when Saru reached for Tilly she was there. His body ached for her. "Where's Michael?"

She scanned the room and pointed. "There. Making out in the corner with Book."

"Perhaps we should let them get on with it."

"It's tempting, but she'd never forgive us. Come on." She dragged him over and shouted "Hey!" as they got close. The other two looked up.

"Hey," they said back. 

"Thank you for a fantastic night, but we're leaving."

"Already? The night's still young," Book said.

"I think we might just hole up for another week."

"Seriously?" Michael asked. "I get to keep the ship?"

"Doctor Culber will be doing another assessment tomorrow, but yes, it looks as though another few days might be required before I can return to active duty."

"Take as long as you need."

"You're just saying that because you like the chair," Tilly teased.

"I also like seeing you this happy."

"Happy doesn't even begin to cover it."

Michael jumped up and hugged her tightly. "We may not be roomies any more, but you're still my best friend, okay?"

"Of course! Always!"

Saru was close enough that she could put an arm around him too. "You guys are my family. Promise me you'll take care of each other."

"We will," Saru said. "We all will."

Michael pulled back. "Why are you shaking?"

He licked dry lips. "Biological imperatives. We really should go…"

She thumped his arm. "Then why are you still here talking to me? Lieutenant Tilly, your partner is clearly compromised, get him out of here and see that he gets what he needs."

"Yes, commander!" Tilly grinned, and pulled him towards the door. As soon as it closed behind them, they beamed back to quarters.

He was on her in an instant, lifting her off her feet to kiss her hard.

"Bed!" she gasped, and found their tangled bodies tumbling into it. She managed to pull off his jacket and wriggle out of her underwear and boots while he sucked desperately at her neck. He was shaking so hard he couldn't even undo his trousers so she helped him with that too. She pushed them halfway down his thighs and hitched up her skirt, then pulled his body tightly between her legs and rocked her hips against him. "I'm here. It's okay, love, I'm right here." And then, as an afterthought, "Computer, log active."

He let out a ragged breath and the shivering eased as he found his way in.

She whispered encouragement, telling him how good it felt, how much she needed him too. He began to thrust hesitantly, knowing it was rushed but finding little resistance. Her body welcomed him. He settled into a steady rhythm, grunting every now and then in response to the delightful sounds she made. There was still pale confetti in her hair, contrasting with the rich colour of her curls and the blush in her cheeks. He pushed himself up on his arms just so that he could look at her, and started to ripple and squirm inside. Her back arched and she cried out and then grinned, reaching up to undo his buttons and open his shirt. He wanted to see more of her too, and with one hand under her back he rolled to bring her on top. The dress came off quickly after that. She sat up and rolled her hips, tracing the patterns on his chest, a vision of beauty.

But the sense of urgency kept growing, and though he wanted to let her lead, it wasn't enough. He held her hips and lifted her just enough to give himself room to move and set a faster pace, taking care not to go too deep and hurt her. He could hear the wet tap-tap-tap as their bodies met even through her groans and his own.

She urged him to come for her, and he did, a glorious release of the tension he'd been holding back all evening. Every nerve in his body went into overdrive and the touch of her fingers was electric on his skin. She bent forward and traced his cheekbones, looking at him with such focus, caressing him with such intent, as though they were the central point around which the entire universe spun.

He didn't know how he knew when it was time to move again, only that it was the right moment, and she moved with him. It felt so close, like their souls were tied together by their shared breath. 

Her orgasm didn't take long after that. She clung to his shoulders as her body heaved and squeezed and took him with her.

They held each other as they basked in the afterglow, treasuring the sense of closeness, and then Tilly slid off and settled to rest in his arms. As she rearranged her legs she giggled. 

"You've still got your boots on."

"Oh. Yes. Oops."

"Don't worry, we can fix it. Computer, log inactive." She crawled down the bed and unzipped them and then set them on the floor. The trousers were tugged off- the slender fit making it a little awkward to get over his hooves- and she folded them carefully before placing them on top of the boots. "We'll need to tidy up the rest before Mom comes over tomorrow, but right now I need sleep."

"Agreed. Come here. Be my spoon."

He curled his arms around her and everything was as it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> Super big thanks to Vulvadon who agreed to beta for me and then the job kept getting larger and larger. You have helped me polish this up with some exceptional feedback.


End file.
